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" I gravitated toward stand-up because there's no overhead. I mean, literally, there's no overhead: Often, you're outdoors performing in front of groups of people. "

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" I was very much a late bloomer. That's not to say that girls didn't express interest in me from time to time, but I just, I did not know how to respond to that. "

Mike Birbiglia

Know

Late

" I love Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel. "

" Pain is funnier than love. "

" If I dream that I'm directing, it's not a film, it's like a commercial for cotton candy, and I've got four feet of cotton candy all around me that I've got to break through, like a brick wall or a fortress. "

Mike Birbiglia

Cotton

Feet

" Backup dancers are completely respectable. They're the studio musicians of dance. "

" My dad goes through war novels like I go through boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. "

Mike Birbiglia

War

Through

" I'm generally so disoriented during the week about what I'm doing and where I am - I travel a lot - that when I'm home on a Sunday, I typically try to sleep in as much as I can. "

" I like 'Donnie Darko;' it's a cool take on dreams and sleep. "

" The moment I walk into a room, I have kind of like the Terminator's tracking system for where the food is, and I can get there immediately. "

" You know the quickest way to get comedians to hate you? Do Letterman at age 24. "

" I was raised Catholic, and then I kind of wandered away somewhere in high-school. I never got confirmed, which is a big deal. "

" I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness. "

" Starbucks is the last public space with chairs. It's a shower for homeless people. And it's a place you can write all day. The baristas don't glare at you. They don't even look at you. "

" When I go to bed at night, I wear a sleeping bag. And for a long time, I wore mittens so that I couldn't open the sleeping bag. "

" I've yet to write a stand-up show that isn't autobiographical. "

" I've actually always wanted to write like a one-person show that was sort of a romantic comedy - a show that was kind of cynical about romance and marriage but ultimately embraced it. Because I feel like comedy is always cynical, inherently, because it's contrarian. "

" Fortunately, I don't talk about politics on stage. "

" In some sense, Comedy Central has made their audience into comedy connoisseurs. "

" Media is so weird; everything is so accessible now. It used to be this thing where, if you did something on 'This American Life,' this predates me, but when David Sedaris did it, for example, it would just play, people who heard it heard it, and then the book would come out a year later, and people would be like, 'Ahh, I kind of remember that.' "

Mike Birbiglia

American

Life

" You can't go to medical school and come out and be like, 'I'm going to be a dog catcher.' That would be so pointless. "

Mike Birbiglia

You

" Sometimes I'll go to the grocery store and buy a bunch of groceries as though I knew how to cook, which I don't, and as though I was going to be home for the next six days, which I won't. "

Mike Birbiglia

Sometimes

Cook

" The Hollywood model is to develop scripts for 10 years, sell them, transfer them, attach this actor, then attach a director. This isn't what I'm about. I'm much more of a creator and a doer. "

" Every sleep doctor I've talked to said it was an urban legend that you shouldn't wake up a sleepwalker. All that will happen is that you will get condescended to. "

Mike Birbiglia

Legend

Wake Up

" I feel that marriage can lead to the ultimate rejection and failure and divorce and things we all fear. "

" One of my favorite comedies of all time is 'Terms of Endearment;' that's my pace. "

" I think serious situations actually make for the best kind of belly laughs. But they're also the hardest to convert into comedy at the outset. "

" I always have the best story at the party. Anyone telling a story at a party is like, 'No, no, you've got to listen to my story!' I'm like, 'Step aside, everybody. I'm going to blow the doors off this place.' "

" I think that my regrets mostly have to do with my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. Every once in a while, you get those flashback memories of conversations you had with your exes, and you just, like, wince when you're walking down the street. Something occurs to you, 'Oh, no, I said that.' "

" You have to be delusional to be a comedian. "

" I've found, being in Los Angeles, it's like living in a live-action Planet Hollywood. "

Mike Birbiglia

Hollywood

Los Angeles