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" The Hollywood model is to develop scripts for 10 years, sell them, transfer them, attach this actor, then attach a director. This isn't what I'm about. I'm much more of a creator and a doer. "

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" When I met my wife, I was a working comic, so the first week we went out, she saw me perform, and it was very clear what I do. "

Mike Birbiglia

Week

Wife

" Once you know how to make a movie, you can't not make a movie. "

" Sometimes my fans are too nice. "

" Backup dancers are completely respectable. They're the studio musicians of dance. "

" It's a difficult line to tread, where sometimes you go to the movies or you watch someone do publicity for movies or TV shows, and they do all the jokes that are good in the promotion of it, and you see the movie, and you're like, 'I kind of get it already. I'm not that psyched about it.' "

" When I go to bed at night, I wear a sleeping bag. And for a long time, I wore mittens so that I couldn't open the sleeping bag. "

" I always try to attack the most honest issues I can in my comedy. "

" There's nothing funny the first time about telling a story about getting beat up and it makes you leave high school. "

" Every comedian comes to a fork in the road where they have to decide if they're going to make jokes about other people or make jokes about themselves. I chose myself. "

" I would say that I love pizza so much that sometimes I eat pizza while I'm eating pizza. Like, I'm so content with myself with how it's going that I'm like, 'I should do this more,' not realizing that the mouth is full. I'm just cramming pizza into my mouth. "

" I'm going to end up making twenty films if people let me. "

" Sometimes, occasionally, people will make out in the audience, completely not aware that there's a human being onstage just yards away from them, who can see them. Sometimes people think that you're on television while you're onstage, so you're not even a person. "

" I think your tendency when you play yourself is to accentuate something about you that you think is the funny thing about you. "

" The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is. "

" I grew up in Shrewsbury, Massachusetts and went to college in Washington D.C. "

Mike Birbiglia

Massachusetts

Washington

" Over the years, I managed to develop this comedy career, went from opening act to headliner at comedy clubs, to playing concert halls, and had an off-Broadway show with 'Sleepwalk With Me.' "

Mike Birbiglia

Concert

Opening

" Random people, celebrities of note come to your shows over the years, and I've had some really strange ones. Like the guy from Kiss. Gene Simmons has literally been in the audience at my shows, like, four times. I don't know if he knows me; he's just a big fan of comedy. "

" Comedy unites, it doesn't divide! "

" People are making better and better small budge independent films these days. "

" I couldn't recommend more that people put themselves in a situation where they can see a lot of work that they admire, and for free. "

" What I always studied in screenwriting from my mentor John Glavin was that the most interesting characters are characters with shades of gray. "

" I've become good friends with Lena Dunham, and the thing I had in common with Lena when I was 24 is I was as ambitious as she was. What we don't have in common is that I was not as talented. My voice was not as clearly defined. "

" Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams. "

" You know the quickest way to get comedians to hate you? Do Letterman at age 24. "

" When I moved to New York, I was wide-eyed. I was nice to everyone, which comedians hate. "

" I'm unable to do the thing that Broadway actors do in plays, sometimes for years. The same exact blocking, the same exact lines. I'm a little bit uncomfortable with that. Every night I'm looking for ways to try something else. "

" One of my favorite comedies of all time is 'Terms of Endearment;' that's my pace. "

" I feel that marriage can lead to the ultimate rejection and failure and divorce and things we all fear. "

" I love pizza. I want to marry it, but it would just be to eat her family at the wedding. "

" One of my favourite movies is 'Annie Hall' because it's about the silver lining of the break-up. "