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" I like sort of esoteric and weird Twitter jokes. But I actually unfollow people if they make jokes about a celebrity's death within the first two minutes of that celebrity dying. "

Timothy Simons

Celebrity

Death

Weird

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" The truth is, there is no link between vaccines and autism. Vaccines are incredibly important. "

" It's much harder to get a job if nobody wants you around. "

" David Letterman was my guy growing up. My parents recorded the tenth anniversary special for me, and I watched it 40 times. "

Timothy Simons

Parents

Growing Up

" Unless you're playing a historical figure, a writer or director can change their minds. And sometimes your job is to make them change their minds - to make them believe that you're the one that can do it. "

" When I was a carpenter, I built sets for small storefront Chicago companies. Like, I built sets for friends of mine at The House Theater. "

" The Duplass brothers do that so well - that very simple, very horrifically awkward comedy. "

" I'll believe I made it when I'm 100 years old, I'm still able to get work, and they're about to put me in a coffin, and I'll be like, 'Yeah, OK, it went all right.' But until then, I'm not saying it. "

Timothy Simons

Old

Believe

" I'm very much in favor of vaccinations, and I've been very vocal about that because it's insane to forgo this. "

" I grew up in Maine working at a video store and found myself being pulled more and more to on-camera stuff. "

Timothy Simons

Working

Stuff

" There is that great thing of D.C. being Hollywood for ugly people. There's very distinct crossover behaviors. "

" After school, I was planning to jump from regional theater to regional theater. "

" If you didn't watch 'The Shield,' you should stop everything you are doing and go back and watch 'The Shield.' "

Timothy Simons

Doing

Back

" I got my SAG card doing a Kentucky Fried Chicken commercial in Chicago. "

" Reed Scott is really good at coming up with insults. "

" IPods just made music about how many songs you could have on you at all times. "

" I used to love going to shows and finding new bands, but the Internet takes the fun out of it. Like a band? You can buy and download every single song they have ever done within five minutes. "

" The one thing I always think about when I don't get jobs is that it just wasn't yours. You don't want to do something that you're not right for because it won't make the production look good, and it won't make you look good. "

" I don't know, and certainly I've been guilty of making a judgment about a celebrity, but there's a part of me that's like, 'Why don't you take the time you're spending ripping James Franco and go do something you like?' "

Timothy Simons

You

Know

" I don't have actors in my family, but everyone is pretty artistic. "

" I was born in the Northeast, and I have Midwestern parents. "

" It's so odd because I don't even know if I'm cut out for it, but being a movie star guy, I sort of end up gravitating toward the Coen brothers. That's one of the reasons my wife and I moved to L.A.: that however much of a pipe dream that would be, I moved to L.A. because I'd love to work with the Coen brothers. "

" I think I was a behavior problem, mostly, but in a fun way. I tried to tell jokes. I was the middle kid, so I was always looking for attention and trying to be the one that equalized everything. "

" I really wanted to go to a city and get involved in a theater scene and a theater community. I had some friends who had moved out to Chicago and had said really good things about it and about the work. I didn't care at that time about making money. "

" You're taught from a very young age that you shouldn't get too big for your britches, so I tend to err way too much on the side of 'Nothing means anything.' "

" Keeping children alive and free of disease is not a political issue and cannot be put into a partisan box. "

" I've done a pretty good job of curating a Twitter feed that doesn't make me hate the world. "

" We live in a world in which whatever you do has a parody account online in moments. "

" I think the absolute worst job I ever had - not because it was a terrible job, just because I was just so bad at it - was when I worked at a scenic factory in Chicago. "

" Ultimately, I just made the decision to move to L.A. sight unseen. It took me a while to save up some money to do it. "

" When I was in Chicago, I was working as a carpenter while I was doing plays. I thought it'd be a fun set construction job, but it turned up to just be a straight-up factory. "