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" I never thought much about success early on. I only thought about being a comedian - or just being in show business, is really more accurate. "

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" I thought if I had a Twitter feed and say I had a following of a 100,000, that means 100,000 of them would be interested in my book. It was logical, but it didn't turn out to be true. It turned out if I had a Twitter feed of a 100,000, four of them were interested in my book. "

" I don't think anyone is ever writing so that you can throw it away. You're always writing it to be something. Later, you decide whether it'll ever see the light of day. But at the moment of its writing, it's always meant to be something. So, to me, there's no practicing; there's only editing and publishing or not publishing. "

" The thing about the banjo is, when you first hear it, it strikes many people as 'What's that?' There's something very compelling about it to certain people; that's the way I was; that's the way a lot of banjo players and people who love the banjo are. "

" I was very interested in vaudeville. It was the only sort of discipline that was a five-minute act on stage, which is what I really enjoyed and saw myself doing. And I bought books on it. "

" I got a flue shot and now my chimney works perfectly. "

" I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. "

" I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper. "

" In my banjo show with the Steep Canyon Rangers, I do do comedy during that show. It'd be absurd just to stand there mute and play 25 banjo songs. "

" L.A. is only where you live, because otherwise it's just a sprawling mass of everything, and I think if you live in L.A., you get a little network of places you go, and people you see, and when you leave town, you do miss those places and your friends. "

" Bad psychoanalysis would say I enjoyed pleasing people, working really hard and pleasing people, which is probably related to my father in some way. But I really liked working hard. When I worked at Disneyland, I'd do 12 hours straight and go home thrilled. "

" I like all kinds of music. I listen to Abigail Washburn, the Punch Brothers, and Marc Johnson, the great clawhammer player. I also listen a lot to Sirius Radio, there's a lot of bluegrass there. "

" Theories, for me, are just about freeing your mind. It doesn't mean the theory is going to work like a scientific theory works. It's about freeing your mind and making you think a different way. "

" No matter how many times people say it - 'Oh, I'm just writing this for myself' 'Oh, I'm just doing this for myself' - nobody's doing it for themselves! You're doing it for an audience. So whether I'm performing or writing a book or playing music, it's definitely to be put out there and to be received in some way, definitely. "

" I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness. "

" I don't like to look back, and I'm always worried about the next thing rather than resting on the laurels or the degradations of the last thing. "

" When I first started doing my comedy act, I just desperately needed material. So I took literally everything I knew how to do on stage with me, which was juggling, magic and banjo and my little comedy routines. I always felt the audience sorta tolerated the serious musical parts while I was doing my comedy. "

" What is a movie star? A movie star is many things. They can be tall, short, thin, or skinny. They can be Democrats... or skinny. "

" When I was in college, I was debating to try my hand at show business, or to become a professor. I just thought of the risk of not going into show business and always wondering if I would've had a chance. Because that's where my real heart was. "

" I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't. "

" I like the idea that one thing leads to another. You can tweet something completely innocuous, and then find yourself going off on a tangent that's inspired by a response. "

" I actually credit Twitter with fine-tuning some joke-writing skills. I still feel like I'm working at it. "

" I just believe that the interesting time in a career is pre-success, what shaped things, how did you get to this point. "

" You want to be a bit compulsive in your art or craft or whatever you do. You want to be focused on it. "

" I realized that comedians of the day were operating on jokes and punch lines. The moment you say the punch line, the audience either laughs sincerely or they laugh automatically or they don't laugh. The thing that bothered me was that automatic laugh. I said, that's not real laughter. "

" I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot. "

" I was raised with 'Laurel and Hardy' and 'I Love Lucy' and Jerry Lewis, and I just loved it. And I had a friend in high school and we would just laugh all day and put on skits. You know, it's the Andy Kaufman thing or the Marty Short thing where you're performing in your bedroom for yourself. "

" There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that. "

" It's a mystery to me the way that contemporary art galleries function. "

" Anytime you look at anything that's considered artistic, there's a commercial world around it: the ballet, opera, any kind of music. It can't exist without it. "

" I'm tired of wasting letters when punctuation will do, period. "