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" I snootily say I can't take too many dramatic parts, as it's taking work from actors who aren't funny. "

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" I don't care where you went to school. There - have I made your day? No? All right, I'll go further: I also don't care what your dad did for a living or how your mum voted. Nor do I mind whether you ate your tea in front of the telly, dinner at the kitchen table, or supper in the dining room. "

" Slow, skinny, and an utter countryside coward: I lived in dread of nettles, spiders, and the very sound of a wasp. As a victim, I was beneath the dignity of the bullies in my year but fair game to the ones in the year below. "

" I'm knackered. I'm knackered all the time. My stupid, tiny children wake me up at 5:48 A.M. every single morning. "

" We have a family holiday once a year, usually abroad, but that's it. I feel I should have holidays for my family's sake, but I'm not that adventurous. "

" I've been called funny. I assume my wife thinks I'm funny. But generally, if you bumped into me and said hello, I would say hello back, politely. And that would be it. "

" Ukippers are the kinds of fools who haven't noticed they're sleep-walking towards fascism. Many UKIP candidates are of the age when their parents fought in the Second World War. "

" I was in the play 'Fat Pig in the West End,' which is a comedy but has dramatic moments. "

" I think of myself as naturally idle. The trouble is, the 'nothing' that I do every day is not really nothing. I potter. I muck about with emails, I make coffee, I fiddle with my computer to make sure that the book I haven't started writing is perfectly synced across all platforms and devices. "

" It should go without saying that there are as many working-class people who hold socially liberal views as there are public-school bigots. "

" One thing about the fantasy dinner party idea that no one considers is whether these people are going to get on. I would say John McEnroe and Ian McEwan, but what would they have to say to each other? "

" Labour is at its best when it remembers its moral fury. "

" I don't do much to keep in trim - I try to walk places instead of driving whenever I can, but I really ought to do more. "

" Don't get me wrong - intellectual snobbery is vulgar and gauche. "

" I grew up watching British comedy on TV, really. "

" I proposed to my wife on Brighton Beach, and she said yes. That's pretty romantic. Even though I forgot to go down on one knee because I was too busy trying to compose the question. "

" My mother died when I was 17, and I moved in with my dad to make a 12-month pig's ear of retaking my A-levels. "

" Where you have 20 people who all share roughly the same educational and life experiences, they're going to come up with the same solutions to the same problems. "

" I'm the guy who spends 15 minutes staring out of the window wondering what to have for lunch. "

" When I present those clip shows and movie mistakes and things, the persona the writers adopt for me is unimpressed, superior, very sarcastic - I'm not any of that. I can do it, but that's not what I'm like. "

" I did 'The Frank Skinner Show,' and they gave me a little jukebox-shaped CD player, which looks nice in the kitchen. "

" I'm a huge, huge fan of Chris Morris. I think he's a genius, and it is not a word I use very often. I think he's fantastic. "

" I think jokes can actually go to places that drama can't. "

" I'm feeling around for what happens in a post-'Peep Show' world. "

" If I hadn't got into comedy, I wouldn't have met Abbey, my wife, and I wouldn't have my two girls, and the whole thing unravels. That's the thing about being basically - whisper it quietly - happy, is that you don't really want to change anything, because once you start changing stuff, then what you've got all disappears. "

" Religion is many things, but one of them, surely, is a way for adults to indulge in uncritical hero worship. "

" A waiter at the hotel kept telling me that Cape Town is just like a European city, but it's not like that at all. It doesn't feel safe, and I didn't really go out at night. "

" My first proper kiss was from Cara Shucksmith when I was 13 or 14 at her birthday party. "

" Feminism isn't about hating men. It's about challenging the absurd gender distinctions that boys and girls learn from childhood and carry into their adult lives. "

" UKIP trades in the language of fear and division; it seeks power in order to reject responsibility. "

" The only thing I've cooked while entertaining is stir-fry. "