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" I'm surrendering myself to the realities of the Internet. "

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" The only risk of failure is promotion. "

" I would sometimes sit in a crowded restaurant, and say, 'You know, I'm the only person in this restaurant who can't draw.' "

" I'm a poor artist. Through brute force, I brought myself up to mediocre. I've never taken a writing class, but I can write okay. "

" For most people, it's easy to be passionate about things that are working out, and that distorts our impression of the importance of passion. I've been involved in several dozen business ventures over the course of my life, and each one made me excited at the start. You might even call it passion. "

" For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays. "

" Success is entirely accessible, even if you happen to be a huge screw-up 95 percent of the time. "

" One of the reasons why you like to do your own drawings is, your style changes over time. And there's something about that that keeps it fresh to the viewer. "

" Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. "

" If you see voters as rational, you'll be a terrible politician. People are not wired to be rational. Our brains simply evolved to keep us alive. Brains did not evolve to give us truth. Brains merely give us movies in our minds that keeps us sane and motivated. But none of it is rational or true, except maybe sometimes by coincidence. "

" You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles. "

" Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge. "

" In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks. "

" Beware of advice about successful people and their methods. For starters, no two situations are alike. Your dreams of creating a dry-cleaning empire won't be helped by knowing that Thomas Edison liked to take naps. "

" Psychology is the only necessary skill for running for president. Trump knows psychology. "

" I don't get embarrassed by the same things that other people do. I would say that probably the biggest thing that holds people back is, 'If I do this, I'm going to look like an idiot if it doesn't work out.' "

" The longer you work here, diverse it gets. "

" It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation. "

" Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. "

" My investments have been hurt. "

" I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination. "

" The best things in life are silly. "

" I have an endless stream of suggestions coming in from readers who are in cubicles. That keeps me going. "

" I love magazines. It's such McNugget kind of information. "

" If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done. "

" Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free. "

" Many, if not most, career opportunities come to you through people you know. So the more people you know, the more opportunities you have. Improving your social network is a great example of a system for moving from lower odds to better odds without having a specific goal. "

" We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings. "

" You give anybody a billion dollars, and of course they are passionate. Passion is one of those things like willpower in that there's 'magical thinking' about it. You've got to be careful about 'magical thinking.' "

" I get mail; therefore I am. "

" I hated my work. It never seemed to me to be what I should be doing. "