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" My investments have been hurt. "

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" When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids. "

" Success is entirely accessible, even if you happen to be a huge screw-up 95 percent of the time. "

" Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams. "

" If you see voters as rational, you'll be a terrible politician. People are not wired to be rational. Our brains simply evolved to keep us alive. Brains did not evolve to give us truth. Brains merely give us movies in our minds that keeps us sane and motivated. But none of it is rational or true, except maybe sometimes by coincidence. "

" There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours. "

" I love magazines. It's such McNugget kind of information. "

" Technology will definitely solve all our problems, but in the process it will create brand new ones. But that's O.K. because the most you can expect from life is to get to solve better and better problems. "

" Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive. "

" My failed corporate career became the fodder for the 'Dilbert' comic. Once it became clear I would not be climbing any higher on the corporate ladder, it freed me to mock managers without worrying that it would stall my career. Most failures create some sort of unplanned freedom. I took full advantage of mine. "

" It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation. "

" Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart. "

" You give anybody a billion dollars, and of course they are passionate. Passion is one of those things like willpower in that there's 'magical thinking' about it. You've got to be careful about 'magical thinking.' "

" The world is like a reverse casino. In a casino, if you gamble long enough, you're certainly going to lose. But in the real world, where the only thing you're gambling is, say, your time or your embarrassment, then the more stuff you do, the more you give luck a chance to find you. "

" Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge. "

" There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation. "

" I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for it is writer's cramp. The fancy words for it are focal dystonia. The symptom in my case was a pinky finger that went spastic when I tried to draw. "

" Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. "

" For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays. "

" Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free. "

" Rotten bosses don't get better. Any strategy that assumes they can is doomed. "

" Before 'Dilbert,' I tried to become a computer programmer. In the early days of computing, I bought this big, heavy, portable computer for my house. I spent two years nights and weekends trying to write games that I thought I would sell. Turns out I'm not that good a programmer, so that was two years that didn't work out. "

" In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks. "

" Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results. "

" The best things in life are silly. "

" Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. "

" I try to manage my day by my circadian rhythms because the creativity is such an elusive thing, and I could easily just stomp over it doing my administrative stuff. "

" If a job's worth doing, it's too hard. "

" If your goal is to lose 10 pounds, you may wake up each day with failure in mind because the goal is hard to reach, and you are progressing only by small amounts. It takes up all your willpower. I recommend that instead of a goal, you have a system. "

" One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead. "

" I would sometimes sit in a crowded restaurant, and say, 'You know, I'm the only person in this restaurant who can't draw.' "