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" Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. "

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" Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free. "

" I would sometimes sit in a crowded restaurant, and say, 'You know, I'm the only person in this restaurant who can't draw.' "

" The most important thing when you study hypnosis is that you learn that humans are irrational. Until you understand that, hypnosis is hard to do... For me, it was this great awakening to understand that humans are deeply irrational, and it's probably the greatest influence on me in terms of my writing. "

" I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else. "

" Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge. "

" I'm not happy on vacation. In those rare times when I have three hours with no work I have to do, I'm terribly uncomfortable. "

" I get mail; therefore I am. "

" The computer cuts my production time in half. I love it. "

" I have an endless stream of suggestions coming in from readers who are in cubicles. That keeps me going. "

" Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive. "

" Home is pretty utopian. "

" There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours. "

" Rotten bosses don't get better. Any strategy that assumes they can is doomed. "

" Happiness is nothing but good health and freedom, and money is the single best way you can buy your freedom. "

" Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results. "

" You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me. "

" In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks. "

" If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done. "

" I love magazines. It's such McNugget kind of information. "

" The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers. "

" Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company. "

" One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead. "

" Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. "

" 'Dilbert' became popular during the downsizing of the '90s, and job security was a major theme of the strip. "

" Technology will definitely solve all our problems, but in the process it will create brand new ones. But that's O.K. because the most you can expect from life is to get to solve better and better problems. "

" If you drill down on any success story, you always discover that luck was a huge part of it. You can't control luck, but you can move from a game with bad odds to one with better odds. You can make it easier for luck to find you. The most useful thing you can do is stay in the game. "

" When times are bad, the gloves come off and employers are less nice. People become disposable. "

" The only risk of failure is promotion. "

" My old life - no amount of getting used to it would have made it right. "

" The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want. "