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" I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get. "

Rodney Dangerfield

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" Having a pet spayed or neutered actually extends its lifespan by a few years and reduces any aggressive traits or tendencies. "

" I wish people would realize that animals are totally dependent on us, helpless, like children, a trust that is put upon us. "

" When a guy tells me I'm cute, it's not something desirable. Cute is more like what you want your pet to be. "

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" My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. "

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" I have felt cats rubbing their faces against mine and touching my cheek with claws carefully sheathed. These things, to me, are expressions of love. "

" A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. "

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" I've been lucky. I've made films that I really like. It's been a combination of what comes to me and what I choose. I've gone after lots of things that I didn't get, pet projects that everybody ends up chasing after. Really, you're lucky if you get anything. "

" Veterans report that service dogs help break their isolation. People will often avert their eyes when they see a wounded veteran. But when the veteran has a dog, the same people will come up and say, 'Hi' to pet the dog and then strike up a conversation. "

" Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened. "

" If a dog jumps into your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. "

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" I love animals and feel very strongly that people should not be allowed to buy a pet if they are not able to look after it. "

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" My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. "

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" I have a pet lizard named Puff, five goldfish - named Pinky, Brain, Jowels, Pearl and Sandy, an oscar fish named Chef, two pacus, an albino African frog named Whitey, a bonsai tree, four Venus flytraps, a fruit fly farm and sea monkeys. "

" Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself. "

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" I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it. "

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" When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. "

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" I have the same pet peeve as Anderson Cooper, which is bare feet in public. I hate it. It so grosses me out, especially in New York. Oh my God, New York in the summer with people and their feet in their sandals and their flip-flops, like get it away! "

" You cannot share your life with a dog, as I had done in Bournemouth, or a cat, and not know perfectly well that animals have personalities and minds and feelings. "

" I was in three academic clubs, a huge book worm and the teacher's pet. I was kind of an easy target for bullies. "

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" We are telling veterans they must sacrifice to pay for the pet projects and contracts to campaign donors of powerful members of Congress. "

" Kittens are wide-eyed, soft and sweet. With needles in their jaws and feet. "

" I have a pet goat. "

" Many who have spent a lifetime in it can tell us less of love than the child that lost a dog yesterday. "

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" Learning about factory farms and their horrendous treatment of animals is what made me become vegetarian in the first place. I also support the education of the public on adopting pets from animal shelters or saving homeless animals off the street in lieu of buying them from pet shops. "

" Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. "

" I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself. "

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" The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs. "

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" Once they become AKC registered, the newspapers will become flooded with ads for them. And you'll see Border collies in pet stores and animal shelters. "

" I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. "

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" I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. "

Rodney Dangerfield