Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. "

Rodney Dangerfield

Related Quotes:

" I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" Men who do things without being told draw the most wages. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" My cousin's gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand. "

Rodney Dangerfield