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" It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside. "

Garry Shandling

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" My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me. "

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" Dr. Phil is hiding something. Otherwise, why wouldn't he use his last name? "

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" I may discuss love, and I don't mind if two men fall in love, fine. Two women, fine. But I flinch when I think of two Jewish women getting together and having a child because the idea of having two Jewish mothers makes my head explode. I have one; I couldn't handle two. "

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" There's a good chance that if you're talking to me when I'm snoring, it means I'm bored. "

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" I watch the news, which is its own reality show. I love 'Curb Your Enthusiasm.' I love it because it's funny and because I realize that I'm happier than Larry David. "

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" You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't. "

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" Everyone at a party is uncomfortable. Knowing that makes me more comfortable. "

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" Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some reflection of my real feeling about relationships, because I do have commitment issues. My friends tell me I have intimacy problems, but they don't know me, so who cares what they think? "

Garry Shandling

" I like to talk on the cell when I do interviews. That way, I double my chances of getting brain cancer: from the cell phone, and from the questions. "

Garry Shandling

" Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive. "

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" Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders. "

Garry Shandling

" I don't think I'm severely politically active. I care deeply, and I have my strong personal beliefs. I think America is dancing on thin ice. But I think it's bigger even than a political issue. I wonder about the evolution of the human race and spirit and what our goals and reasons for living are. "

Garry Shandling

" Humor is a wonderful way to deal with our suffering because if we can laugh at our troubles, we can feel better. Thich Nhat Hanh is a special man who has helped millions with their suffering with incredible technique. But he doesn't know real suffering, because he has not dated as much as I have. "

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" I've been on a state of high alert since high school. I didn't need 9/11 to remind me that we live on a ball of flame. "

Garry Shandling

" My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81. "

Garry Shandling

" Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me. "

Garry Shandling

" I think I look great in green, and I'm going to start wearing more green. "

Garry Shandling

" I practice safe sex - I use an airbag. "

Garry Shandling

" The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from wanting to host a standard-fare kind of talk show. "

Garry Shandling

" I enjoy 'The Apprentice' and the one that's called 'Take My Life' and the other one called 'Stop Hitting Me.' "

Garry Shandling

" I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much. "

Garry Shandling

" Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to see them in my life, so here's a movie for kids and I'm in there and I'm supposed to be kind of funny for kids. "

Garry Shandling

" I am interested in how human beings react to crisis and conflict. "

Garry Shandling

" I started boxing for exercise, and on the very first day, the trainer got in the ring with me and said, 'Whoever controls the breathing in the ring controls the fight.' I immediately passed out. "

Garry Shandling

" I have this very abstract idea in my head. I wouldn't even want to call it stand-up, because stand-up conjures in one's mind a comedian with a microphone standing onstage under a spotlight telling jokes to an audience. The direction I'm going in is eventually, you won't know if it's a joke or not. "

Garry Shandling

" I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And I've done a lot of stuff. I don't know that I would put the puppets on when I was pitching a show. This was the head of the studio putting a puppet show on. And I'll tell you, he wasn't bad. "

Garry Shandling

" I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full speed and doesn't pull his head into the shell very often, I in reality was five or ten minutes later to every recording session. "

Garry Shandling

" It takes me so long to get tired of a man. It's women that are the problem. Don't get me wrong. I think men have their problems just as much as women. "

Garry Shandling

" I've always felt that the truth is in the silence. "

Garry Shandling

" First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show and so forth and so on. "

Garry Shandling