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" It takes me so long to get tired of a man. It's women that are the problem. Don't get me wrong. I think men have their problems just as much as women. "

Garry Shandling

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" I enjoy 'The Apprentice' and the one that's called 'Take My Life' and the other one called 'Stop Hitting Me.' "

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" I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much. "

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" I keep my scrapbooks in the car. When I come to a stoplight, I start looking through my past. Sometimes I wish the red lights were longer. "

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" The art of boxing is seeing spaces and being able to take shots. The hitting and being hit have to become one. Your reactions have to be so in the moment. There's no time to think. "

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" Dr. Phil is hiding something. Otherwise, why wouldn't he use his last name? "

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" There's a good chance that if you're talking to me when I'm snoring, it means I'm bored. "

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" I feel that everything I do in my life I can do in a shorter time than most men can. It's the quality, not the quantity. "

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" When I give notes on a script, I say, 'Guys, I may drift, but it's part of the process.' So I'm aware that I'm drifting, but I'm grabbing a lot of stuff. "

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" But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone. "

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" I don't think I'm severely politically active. I care deeply, and I have my strong personal beliefs. I think America is dancing on thin ice. But I think it's bigger even than a political issue. I wonder about the evolution of the human race and spirit and what our goals and reasons for living are. "

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" I have this very abstract idea in my head. I wouldn't even want to call it stand-up, because stand-up conjures in one's mind a comedian with a microphone standing onstage under a spotlight telling jokes to an audience. The direction I'm going in is eventually, you won't know if it's a joke or not. "

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" Everyone at a party is uncomfortable. Knowing that makes me more comfortable. "

Garry Shandling

" Men who betray women also betray other men. Women shouldn't feel so special. "

Garry Shandling

" I once saw an elaborate landscape in a gallery, drawn in pencil, that took my breath away. Then I realized the artist probably didn't have enough confidence to use a pen. "

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" My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81. "

Garry Shandling

" I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate. "

Garry Shandling

" I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know. "

Garry Shandling

" First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show and so forth and so on. "

Garry Shandling

" Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me. "

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" It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside. "

Garry Shandling

" I practice safe sex - I use an airbag. "

Garry Shandling

" I may discuss love, and I don't mind if two men fall in love, fine. Two women, fine. But I flinch when I think of two Jewish women getting together and having a child because the idea of having two Jewish mothers makes my head explode. I have one; I couldn't handle two. "

Garry Shandling

" I'd like to do more acting. "

Garry Shandling

" I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full speed and doesn't pull his head into the shell very often, I in reality was five or ten minutes later to every recording session. "

Garry Shandling

" The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from wanting to host a standard-fare kind of talk show. "

Garry Shandling

" I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it. "

Garry Shandling

" I've always felt that the truth is in the silence. "

Garry Shandling

" I started boxing for exercise, and on the very first day, the trainer got in the ring with me and said, 'Whoever controls the breathing in the ring controls the fight.' I immediately passed out. "

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" I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life, in bed I think less is more and let the woman come to me. Frankly, I don't even need a woman there. "

Garry Shandling

" I had no idea who I was when I started. I was frightened to death and had no natural performing skills. "

Garry Shandling