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" I've been on a state of high alert since high school. I didn't need 9/11 to remind me that we live on a ball of flame. "
Garry Shandling
High School
Flame
School
Related Quotes:
" Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to see them in my life, so here's a movie for kids and I'm in there and I'm supposed to be kind of funny for kids. "
Garry Shandling
Funny
My Life
Kind
" The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from wanting to host a standard-fare kind of talk show. "
Garry Shandling
Kind
Way
Talk
" I think it's one of the main negative emotional ingredients that fuels show business, because there's so much at stake and the fear of failure looms large. "
Garry Shandling
Fear
Business
Failure
" The art of boxing is seeing spaces and being able to take shots. The hitting and being hit have to become one. Your reactions have to be so in the moment. There's no time to think. "
Garry Shandling
Time
Think
Art
" I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full speed and doesn't pull his head into the shell very often, I in reality was five or ten minutes later to every recording session. "
Garry Shandling
Turtle
Moving
Reality
" I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe it would be fun occasionally. It's hard for me to have fun and I'm a serious thinker and a searcher and funny from the front. "
Garry Shandling
Fun
Think
Serious
" I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead. "
Garry Shandling
Love
Made
Minutes
" I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it. "
Garry Shandling
Now
Dating
Unaware
" When I don't have a good time, it's usually because there's a stiffness that stifles creativity. "
Garry Shandling
Creativity
Time
Good Time
" I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And I've done a lot of stuff. I don't know that I would put the puppets on when I was pitching a show. This was the head of the studio putting a puppet show on. And I'll tell you, he wasn't bad. "
Garry Shandling
Bad
Me
You
" I once saw an elaborate landscape in a gallery, drawn in pencil, that took my breath away. Then I realized the artist probably didn't have enough confidence to use a pen. "
Garry Shandling
Away
Confidence
Landscape
" Dogs are not people. Be leery of any woman who refers to her dogs as her 'kids,' because you'll only end up paying for their schooling. "
Garry Shandling
End
You
Woman
" I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has something to do with - if I may judge from my own father, who used to sit and stare at the TV while my mother was speaking to him - I think that's a man's way of tuning out. "
Garry Shandling
Mother
Judge
Man
" My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me. "
Garry Shandling
Really
Friends
Know
" Some people think the world will end in 2012. I think we've got until 2014. I'm an optimist. "
Garry Shandling
Some People
World
End
" Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some reflection of my real feeling about relationships, because I do have commitment issues. My friends tell me I have intimacy problems, but they don't know me, so who cares what they think? "
Garry Shandling
Think
Reflection
Me
" There's a good chance that if you're talking to me when I'm snoring, it means I'm bored. "
Garry Shandling
Talking
Bored
Chance
" I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life, in bed I think less is more and let the woman come to me. Frankly, I don't even need a woman there. "
Garry Shandling
Think
Woman
Life
" I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know. "
Garry Shandling
Needs
Know
Over
" Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive. "
Garry Shandling
Without
Comedy
Defense
" I like to talk on the cell when I do interviews. That way, I double my chances of getting brain cancer: from the cell phone, and from the questions. "
Garry Shandling
Way
Brain
Phone
" It takes me so long to get tired of a man. It's women that are the problem. Don't get me wrong. I think men have their problems just as much as women. "
Garry Shandling
Women
Man
Tired
" It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside. "
Garry Shandling
Inside
Hair
You
" My first 'Tonight Show' was just one of those things - I mean this seriously - a cosmic, meant-to-be coming together of circumstance. You walk out there to do your first 'Tonight Show': Is the audience going to be hot? Are you going to be on fire? It's like an athlete: Are you going to have your moves at a peak? "
Garry Shandling
You
Athlete
Fire
" Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders. "
Garry Shandling
Television
First Time
Time
" I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate. "
Garry Shandling
Spiritual
Basketball
Philosophy
" To be thrown onto the stand-up stage is an experience that you cannot fathom until you're actually there, because there's no place to go, and everyone is looking at you and you can't even see them because of the lights. And yet you have to manage to start talking and be funny on top of it. "
Garry Shandling
Experience
Start
Place
" Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their conflicts. And that commitment, I think, might be what love is, because they both grow from their relationship. "
Garry Shandling
Work
Relationship
Love Is
" You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't. "
Garry Shandling
Curious
Funny
Know
" Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me. "
Garry Shandling
Nobody
Me
Jokes