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" My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81. "

Garry Shandling

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" Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to see them in my life, so here's a movie for kids and I'm in there and I'm supposed to be kind of funny for kids. "

Garry Shandling

" I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead. "

Garry Shandling

" The art of boxing is seeing spaces and being able to take shots. The hitting and being hit have to become one. Your reactions have to be so in the moment. There's no time to think. "

Garry Shandling

" My first 'Tonight Show' was just one of those things - I mean this seriously - a cosmic, meant-to-be coming together of circumstance. You walk out there to do your first 'Tonight Show': Is the audience going to be hot? Are you going to be on fire? It's like an athlete: Are you going to have your moves at a peak? "

Garry Shandling

" I am interested in how human beings react to crisis and conflict. "

Garry Shandling

" Everyone at a party is uncomfortable. Knowing that makes me more comfortable. "

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" I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest. "

Garry Shandling

" But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone. "

Garry Shandling

" The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from wanting to host a standard-fare kind of talk show. "

Garry Shandling

" That's what we were exploring on 'Larry Sanders' - the human qualities that have brought us to where we are now in the world: the addiction to needing more and wanting more and talking more. We were examining the labels put on success - is it successful to be on TV every day, to be famous, to have a paycheck? "

Garry Shandling

" My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me. "

Garry Shandling

" I may discuss love, and I don't mind if two men fall in love, fine. Two women, fine. But I flinch when I think of two Jewish women getting together and having a child because the idea of having two Jewish mothers makes my head explode. I have one; I couldn't handle two. "

Garry Shandling

" There's a good chance that if you're talking to me when I'm snoring, it means I'm bored. "

Garry Shandling

" I practice safe sex - I use an airbag. "

Garry Shandling

" I have this very abstract idea in my head. I wouldn't even want to call it stand-up, because stand-up conjures in one's mind a comedian with a microphone standing onstage under a spotlight telling jokes to an audience. The direction I'm going in is eventually, you won't know if it's a joke or not. "

Garry Shandling

" Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive. "

Garry Shandling

" I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life, in bed I think less is more and let the woman come to me. Frankly, I don't even need a woman there. "

Garry Shandling

" It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside. "

Garry Shandling

" My second or third year in the engineering department, I got very frustrated, and I sat down with myself and had a soul-searching conversation with myself and said, 'What I'd really like to do is see if I can write comedy.' ... I moved to L.A. stone cold. Didn't know anybody; didn't know how to go about it. Really started from scratch. "

Garry Shandling

" First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show and so forth and so on. "

Garry Shandling

" I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it. "

Garry Shandling

" I had no idea who I was when I started. I was frightened to death and had no natural performing skills. "

Garry Shandling

" Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some reflection of my real feeling about relationships, because I do have commitment issues. My friends tell me I have intimacy problems, but they don't know me, so who cares what they think? "

Garry Shandling

" Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me. "

Garry Shandling

" I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present. "

Garry Shandling

" I feel that everything I do in my life I can do in a shorter time than most men can. It's the quality, not the quantity. "

Garry Shandling

" Dogs are not people. Be leery of any woman who refers to her dogs as her 'kids,' because you'll only end up paying for their schooling. "

Garry Shandling

" I keep my scrapbooks in the car. When I come to a stoplight, I start looking through my past. Sometimes I wish the red lights were longer. "

Garry Shandling

" I watch the news, which is its own reality show. I love 'Curb Your Enthusiasm.' I love it because it's funny and because I realize that I'm happier than Larry David. "

Garry Shandling

" It takes me so long to get tired of a man. It's women that are the problem. Don't get me wrong. I think men have their problems just as much as women. "

Garry Shandling