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" I've lived with myself for a very long time, so I'm aware of what I look like. I'm under no false pretense that I'm a stunner, so if somebody comes up and says something about my physical appearance, it's okay. "

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" I was born tall. I was awkward and gangly. Before that, I was a really chubby elementary school kid. I've always been sort of a physical abnormality. "

Timothy Simons

Born

Tall

School

" After school, I was planning to jump from regional theater to regional theater. "

" IPods just made music about how many songs you could have on you at all times. "

" I'm a dog person, but I don't have a pet. "

" The Duplass brothers do that so well - that very simple, very horrifically awkward comedy. "

" My dad was a photographer, so we had all these studio portraits of us. "

" I've done a pretty good job of curating a Twitter feed that doesn't make me hate the world. "

" I'm a night person, but because of being in the film business and having children, my schedule has shifted, and I'm always terrified that I'm going to oversleep. "

" When I was a carpenter, I built sets for small storefront Chicago companies. Like, I built sets for friends of mine at The House Theater. "

" My children, twins who are three years old, they're awful creatures right now. "

" I don't have actors in my family, but everyone is pretty artistic. "

" Ultimately, I just made the decision to move to L.A. sight unseen. It took me a while to save up some money to do it. "

" I like sort of esoteric and weird Twitter jokes. But I actually unfollow people if they make jokes about a celebrity's death within the first two minutes of that celebrity dying. "

" There is that great thing of D.C. being Hollywood for ugly people. There's very distinct crossover behaviors. "

" David Letterman was my guy growing up. My parents recorded the tenth anniversary special for me, and I watched it 40 times. "

Timothy Simons

Parents

Growing Up

" The truth is, there is no link between vaccines and autism. Vaccines are incredibly important. "

" Unless you're playing a historical figure, a writer or director can change their minds. And sometimes your job is to make them change their minds - to make them believe that you're the one that can do it. "

" It's much harder to get a job if nobody wants you around. "

" There is a part of me that really just thinks it would be so funny to see the 'Veep' characters in 'Game of Thrones.' "

Timothy Simons

Thinks

See

" I think the absolute worst job I ever had - not because it was a terrible job, just because I was just so bad at it - was when I worked at a scenic factory in Chicago. "

" My dad's a photographer, and my sister is a writer and a poet. My little brother is a mandolin player - he's a bluegrass musician. It's always been a part of the family. "

" I grew up in Maine working at a video store and found myself being pulled more and more to on-camera stuff. "

Timothy Simons

Working

Stuff

" I started out with the intention of studying physics. I was a terrible high school student outside of the fact that I did well in physics, but there's a big difference between being good at physics and being a physicist, so I jettisoned that very quickly. "

" I got my SAG card doing a Kentucky Fried Chicken commercial in Chicago. "

" I was born in the Northeast, and I have Midwestern parents. "

" I'll believe I made it when I'm 100 years old, I'm still able to get work, and they're about to put me in a coffin, and I'll be like, 'Yeah, OK, it went all right.' But until then, I'm not saying it. "

Timothy Simons

Old

Believe

" When I was in Chicago, I was working as a carpenter while I was doing plays. I thought it'd be a fun set construction job, but it turned up to just be a straight-up factory. "

" I'm particularly bad at breaking if something's funny. I'm not professional, so I do often laugh, but less at what I do and more often at what other people do. "

" I'm saying nothing new that Dave Pasquesi is really good at what he does. "

" There are people I've met in L.A. who kind of only talk about the business. Because maybe they think that's the best move. "