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" Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted. "

Garrison Keillor

Parenting

Nothing

Children

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" I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. "

" A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it. "

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" I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.' "

" My religion would be a gentle faith that believed in the sacredness of leisure. Napping as a form of prayer. "

" I don't have a great eye for detail. I leave blanks in all of my stories. I leave out all detail, which leaves the reader to fill in something better. "

" The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment; you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You want to be the first to come up with the idea. You don't want to wait until you trip and fall off the stage. "

" A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever. "

" The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. "

" I've wanted to be a writer since I was a boy, though it seemed an unlikely outcome since I showed no real talent. But I persevered and eventually found my own row to hoe. Ignorance of other writers' work keeps me from discouragement and I am less well-read than the average bus driver. "

Garrison Keillor

I Am

Ignorance

" Cursing is highly effective in person - someone kicks his car in rage, forgetting he's wearing flip-flops, flames pour from his mouth, and it's impressive. But you see it in print, and it's just ugly. "

" I was an English major at the University of Minnesota, and I was very shy, which many people misinterpreted as intelligence. On the basis of that wrong impression, I became the editor of the campus literary magazine. "

" It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars. "

" I write for a radio show that, no matter what, will go on the air Saturday at five o'clock central time. You learn to write toward that deadline, to let the adrenaline pick you up on Friday morning and carry you through, to cook up a monologue about Lake Wobegon and get to the theater on time. "

" I love rhymes; I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme 'oysters' with 'The Cloisters.' And 'The lady from Knoxville who bought her brassieres by the boxful.' I just feel a sort of small triumph. "

" God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. "

" I hear a little firecracker go off when you come up with a good rhyme. "

Garrison Keillor

Hear

Off

" Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average. "

" It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming. "

" Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. "

" Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore. "

Garrison Keillor

Then

Surprise

" The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles. "

" A book is a gift you can open again and again. "

" I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so busy. "

" Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won't feel so thankful then. "

" I can write anywhere. I write in airports. I write on airplanes. I've written in the back seats of taxis. I write in hotel rooms. I love hotel rooms. I just write wherever I am whenever I need to write. "

" Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known. "