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" Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it. "
Garrison Keillor
Deny
Eye
Reality
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" The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment; you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You want to be the first to come up with the idea. You don't want to wait until you trip and fall off the stage. "
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Try
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" Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore. "
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Us
Then
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" A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer. "
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" It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming. "
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Air
Empire
" I've wanted to be a writer since I was a boy, though it seemed an unlikely outcome since I showed no real talent. But I persevered and eventually found my own row to hoe. Ignorance of other writers' work keeps me from discouragement and I am less well-read than the average bus driver. "
Garrison Keillor
Me
I Am
Ignorance
" I love rhymes; I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme 'oysters' with 'The Cloisters.' And 'The lady from Knoxville who bought her brassieres by the boxful.' I just feel a sort of small triumph. "
Garrison Keillor
Triumph
New York
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" Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. "
Garrison Keillor
Life
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You
" God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. "
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Know
God
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" It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars. "
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" Zoroastrians believe in one Great Almighty Spirit of Good who is in combat against evil forces, and Goodness prevails in the end. There is no self-flagellation or staring at the sun or snake-handling. "
Garrison Keillor
End
Evil
Good
" I was an English major at the University of Minnesota, and I was very shy, which many people misinterpreted as intelligence. On the basis of that wrong impression, I became the editor of the campus literary magazine. "
Garrison Keillor
Shy
People
Intelligence
" Cursing is highly effective in person - someone kicks his car in rage, forgetting he's wearing flip-flops, flames pour from his mouth, and it's impressive. But you see it in print, and it's just ugly. "
Garrison Keillor
Someone
You
Ugly
" Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve. "
Garrison Keillor
Town
Time
Little
" Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average. "
Garrison Keillor
Welcome
Children
Women
" I think that if writers are tempted to do other things, they ought to go do other things. They should not write if they don't feel like it. I say this as a competitor. I am not interested in encouraging people who are in competition with me. "
Garrison Keillor
Think
I Am
Competition
" I want to resume the life of a shy person. "
Garrison Keillor
Resume
Life
Want
" I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so busy. "
Garrison Keillor
Think
Three
Children
" I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. "
Garrison Keillor
Straight
Reality
Eye
" I talk in subjects and verbs, and sort of wind around in concentric circles until I get far enough away from the beginning so that I can call it the end, and it ends. "
Garrison Keillor
Far
Beginning
End
" Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known. "
Garrison Keillor
You
Smart
Thought
" A book is a gift you can open again and again. "
Garrison Keillor
You
Again
Gift
" I love New York, and I'm drawn to a certain intensity of life, but I've just never felt like I want to escape from the Midwest. A writer lives a great deal in his own head, and so one intuitively finds places where your head is more clear. New York for me is one of those places. "
Garrison Keillor
Love
Escape
Great
" Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted. "
Garrison Keillor
Parenting
Nothing
Children
" My religion would be a gentle faith that believed in the sacredness of leisure. Napping as a form of prayer. "
Garrison Keillor
Religion
Prayer
Leisure
" The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, 'Daddy, I need to ask you something,' he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan. "
Garrison Keillor
Need
You
Hot
" A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. "
Garrison Keillor
Christmas
Together
Lovely
" Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won't feel so thankful then. "
Garrison Keillor
Good
Rain
Thankful
" Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. "
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Us
Teach
Cats
" Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people. "
Garrison Keillor
Time
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People
" I can write anywhere. I write in airports. I write on airplanes. I've written in the back seats of taxis. I write in hotel rooms. I love hotel rooms. I just write wherever I am whenever I need to write. "
Garrison Keillor
I Can
Back
Hotel