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" Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people. "
Garrison Keillor
Time
Vanity
People
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" A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it. "
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Stop
Coffee
Girl
" I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so busy. "
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Three
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" I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.' "
Garrison Keillor
Think
I Think
Most
" I want to resume the life of a shy person. "
Garrison Keillor
Resume
Life
Want
" It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars. "
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Few
Give
Life
" Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won't feel so thankful then. "
Garrison Keillor
Good
Rain
Thankful
" The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, 'Daddy, I need to ask you something,' he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan. "
Garrison Keillor
Need
You
Hot
" I talk in subjects and verbs, and sort of wind around in concentric circles until I get far enough away from the beginning so that I can call it the end, and it ends. "
Garrison Keillor
Far
Beginning
End
" A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever. "
Garrison Keillor
Newspaper
Enough
Good
" Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. "
Garrison Keillor
Life
Good
You
" I don't have a great eye for detail. I leave blanks in all of my stories. I leave out all detail, which leaves the reader to fill in something better. "
Garrison Keillor
Detail
Out
Leave
" I write for a radio show that, no matter what, will go on the air Saturday at five o'clock central time. You learn to write toward that deadline, to let the adrenaline pick you up on Friday morning and carry you through, to cook up a monologue about Lake Wobegon and get to the theater on time. "
Garrison Keillor
Morning
Lake
Friday
" A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. "
Garrison Keillor
Christmas
Together
Lovely
" Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. "
Garrison Keillor
Us
Teach
Cats
" I hear a little firecracker go off when you come up with a good rhyme. "
Garrison Keillor
Hear
Off
Up
" Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted. "
Garrison Keillor
Parenting
Nothing
Children
" I was an English major at the University of Minnesota, and I was very shy, which many people misinterpreted as intelligence. On the basis of that wrong impression, I became the editor of the campus literary magazine. "
Garrison Keillor
Shy
People
Intelligence
" Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average. "
Garrison Keillor
Welcome
Children
Women
" I love rhymes; I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme 'oysters' with 'The Cloisters.' And 'The lady from Knoxville who bought her brassieres by the boxful.' I just feel a sort of small triumph. "
Garrison Keillor
Triumph
New York
Small
" God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. "
Garrison Keillor
Know
God
Play
" I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. "
Garrison Keillor
Straight
Reality
Eye
" Cursing is highly effective in person - someone kicks his car in rage, forgetting he's wearing flip-flops, flames pour from his mouth, and it's impressive. But you see it in print, and it's just ugly. "
Garrison Keillor
Someone
You
Ugly
" My religion would be a gentle faith that believed in the sacredness of leisure. Napping as a form of prayer. "
Garrison Keillor
Religion
Prayer
Leisure
" Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it. "
Garrison Keillor
Deny
Eye
Reality
" The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment; you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You want to be the first to come up with the idea. You don't want to wait until you trip and fall off the stage. "
Garrison Keillor
Try
Wait
Want
" I've wanted to be a writer since I was a boy, though it seemed an unlikely outcome since I showed no real talent. But I persevered and eventually found my own row to hoe. Ignorance of other writers' work keeps me from discouragement and I am less well-read than the average bus driver. "
Garrison Keillor
Me
I Am
Ignorance
" I love New York, and I'm drawn to a certain intensity of life, but I've just never felt like I want to escape from the Midwest. A writer lives a great deal in his own head, and so one intuitively finds places where your head is more clear. New York for me is one of those places. "
Garrison Keillor
Love
Escape
Great
" Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve. "
Garrison Keillor
Town
Time
Little
" Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known. "
Garrison Keillor
You
Smart
Thought
" The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. "
Garrison Keillor
Hard
Brother
Childhood