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" One of the few benefits of being a journalist is that you're not in the Army. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Army
You
Journalist
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" Kuwait City is not gorgeous, actually, but it's got a kind of Epcot Center thing going for it. It's not pretty. But it's striking, I'll give it that. It's not as over-the-top as Abu Dhabi or Dubai. But nearly. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Going
Dubai
City
" You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
People
Money
" I spent a lot of time behind the Iron Curtain, and their cars were abysmal. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Curtain
Behind
Iron
" You don't despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Despair
Like
Middle
" You can learn all about the human condition from covering the crime beat in a big city - you don't need to go to Beirut for that - but a foreign correspondent begins to understand poverty from a different perspective. "
P. J. O'Rourke
City
You
Poverty
" Our regulatory bodies strive to create honest dealings, fair trades, and a situation in which no one has an advantage over anyone else. But human beings aren't honest. And all trades are made because one person thinks he's getting the better of the other, and the other person thinks the same. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Create
Better
Human
" More modern poetry is written than read. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Than
Read
Modern
" A deadly sins addendum is long overdue. Life has changed since Pope Gregory the Great scribbled his initial list in the sixth century. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Long
Changed
Great
" Seriousness is stupidity sent to college. "
P. J. O'Rourke
College
Stupidity
Seriousness
" A lot of newspaper columns used to be written in a rat-a-tat-tat, fast-paced style - and they tended to be funny. They were a little relief from the grimmer, grayer parts of the newspaper, and one of the best people at doing this was Will Rogers. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Will
Best
Style
" Detroit's industrial ruins are picturesque, like crumbling Rome in an 18th-century etching. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Like
Industrial
Ruins
" Writing on a computer makes saving what's been written too easy. Pretentious lead sentences are kept, not tossed. Instead of sitting surrounded by crumpled paper, the computerized writer has his mistakes neatly stored in digital memory. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Easy
Writing
Sitting
" Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don't draft people; it's not jury duty. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Run
Politicians
Political
" Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Society
Alcohol
Ignorance
" Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Politics
Necessary Evil
Evil
" I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a 'learning experience.' It makes me feel less stupid. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Experience
Think
Stupid
" Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Domino
Pizza
Wealth
" The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable. "
P. J. O'Rourke
People
Head
End
" Positive rights are the right to shelter, the right to education, the right to health care, the right to a living wage. These things are - these are, I would call them, more properly, political rights rather than positive rights. And they are extremely tricky, because now we are dealing with things that are zero sum. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Positive
Health
Education
" Harvard is the home of American ideas. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Ideas
Home
American
" Political leaders are expert at saying nothing. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Nothing
Political
Saying
" Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Free
Got
Country
" I do have to travel a lot for speaking engagements. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Engagements
Speaking
Lot
" If we were to inspect ourselves or members of our family and our friends, we would see that we don't really have to go all the way overseas to be mystified - we can be mystified right at home. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Family
Friends
Home
" Are you a Democrat because you're a union member? Then why, after eight years of Bill Clinton, does some Chinese guy in Guangdong province have your job? "
P. J. O'Rourke
Why
Years
You
" Democrats hate America being a world power because world power gives power to the nation instead of to Democrats. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Hate
Nation
Power
" China is trying to become America without democracy while America is trying to become France without cheese calories. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Democracy
America
Cheese
" The anti-individualist enemies that Ayn Rand battled are still the enemy, but they've shifted their line of attack. Political collectivists are no longer much interested in taking things away from the wealthy and creative. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Line
Attack
Creative
" Like it or not, I've come to appreciate soccer. Any kid can play, which fits with the inclusive agenda of progressive schools. Although the corollary to 'any kid can play' is that every kid must play because there is an iron grip to the warm hug of progressive inclusionism. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Soccer
Hug
Kid
" If government were a product, selling it would be illegal. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Government
Would
Selling