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" Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don't draft people; it's not jury duty. "

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" A fundamental American question is, 'What's the big idea?' "

" Politicians will talk strategy and tactics and policies and programs until they're blue in the face, or you strangle them and they turn blue. "

" Who, other than a crazy person, does anything besides hang up on a robo-call? Any call, any person, anywhere, under any circumstances. "

" Moviemakers are rewarded with tax write-offs if, when seeking a location that looks like America, they seek it in America. "

" I was very much in favor of the Iraq invasion. "

" America gives every appearance of being a nation besotted with trashiness - divorce, illegitimacy, casual Fridays. "

" Neither liberal nor conservative politicians can resist the temptation to stand as mighty sequoias of rectitude amid the lowly underbrush of fundraising. "

" As a former writer for the 'National Lampoon,' I've probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live. "

" Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free. "

" My generation of Americans was the first to really care about racism and sexism, not to mention the I Ching, plus, of course, the Earth. "

" Even Jimmy Carter can't be wrong all the time. "

" Everybody in America who didn't come over the Bering Strait ice bridge stole his land from somebody else. "

" Politics is - once in a while - a forum for serious debate about political philosophy. "

" My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. "

" Soccer matches should be something special, something people eagerly look forward to, something that brightens life. "

" The Bible is very clear about one thing: Using politics to create fairness is a sin. "

" The car provided Americans with an enviable standard of living. You could not get a steady job with high wages and health and retirement benefits working on the General Livestock Corporation assembly line putting udders on cows. "

" Liberals have invented whole college majors - psychology, sociology and women's studies - to prove that nothing is anybody's fault. "

" In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character. "

" I've got a 1990 Porsche 911. It's just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it. "

" TV ushered in the age of postliteracy. And we have gone so far beyond that. I mean, what with the Internet and Google and Wikipedia. We have entered the age of post-intelligence. "

" Head lice have their own animal-rights group, or may as well. The National Pediculosis Association doesn't exactly advocate letting lice live with dignity, but it does oppose pediculicidal treatments. "

" Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted Chesapeake Bay near Annapolis, and wandered for forty years in Delaware. "

" Think what evil creeps liberals would be if their plans to enfeeble the individual, exhaust the economy, impede the rule of law, and cripple national defense were guided by a coherent ideology instead of smug ignorance. "

" A U.S. dollar is an IOU from the Federal Reserve Bank. It's a promissory note that doesn't actually promise anything. It's not backed by gold or silver. "

" Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border. "

" One of the enduring problems with certain societies in the world - and this is certainly true of a lot of places in the Middle East - is that the capacity for self-governance and self-organizing just isn't there. It has to do with history. "

" Is Bill Clinton so good at politics, or are other politicians so bad? "

" Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. "

" The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it. "