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" People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately. "
Russell Baker
Say
Wrong
You
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" Newspaper people, once celebrated as founts of ribald humor and uncouth fun, have of late lost all their gaiety, and small wonder. "
Russell Baker
Humor
People
Small
" In America nothing dies easier than tradition. "
Russell Baker
America
Dies
Tradition
" Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things. "
Russell Baker
Just
Progress
Things
" A day spent praising the earth and lamenting man's pollutionist history makes you feel like a superior, sensitive soul. "
Russell Baker
Soul
You
Earth
" Kingsley Amis was one of a trio of brilliant comic novelists who made English literature sparkle in the twentieth century. "
Russell Baker
Sparkle
Brilliant
Trio
" People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure. "
Russell Baker
Know
People
Out
" In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one's beloved. "
Russell Baker
Yourself
Age
Fashion
" Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. "
Russell Baker
Shot
Say
Need
" I gave up on new poetry myself 30 years ago when most of it began to read like coded messages passing between lonely aliens in a hostile world. "
Russell Baker
World
Myself
Like
" The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him. "
Russell Baker
Resist
Objects
Defeat
" Like all young reporters - brilliant or hopelessly incompetent - I dreamed of the glamorous life of the foreign correspondent: prowling Vienna in a Burberry trench coat, speaking a dozen languages to dangerous women, narrowly escaping Sardinian bandits - the usual stuff that newspaper dreams are made of. "
Russell Baker
Newspaper
Women
Dreams
" Except for politics, no business is scrutinized more exhaustively than journalism. "
Russell Baker
Journalism
More
Politics
" Feel good about linking hands in human chain for good causes. "
Russell Baker
Feel Good
Feel
Good
" Few expected very much of Franklin Roosevelt on Inauguration Day in 1933. Like Barack Obama seventy-six years later, he was succeeding a failed Republican president, and Americans had voted for change. What that change might be Roosevelt never clearly said, probably because he himself didn't know. "
Russell Baker
Change
Said
Republican
" Objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. "
Russell Baker
Break
Work
Three
" The best discussion of trouble in boardroom and business office is found in newspapers' own financial pages and speeches by journalists in management jobs. "
Russell Baker
Business
Financial
Management
" Poetry is so vital to us until school spoils it. "
Russell Baker
Vital
Poetry
Until
" Americans like fat books and thin women. "
Russell Baker
Women
Fat
Books
" It's good for the soul to hear yourself as others hear you, and next time maybe, just maybe, you will not talk so much, so loudly, so brilliantly, so charmingly, so utterly shamelessly foolishly. "
Russell Baker
Yourself
You
Time
" Strategic thinkers were naturally rattled to find this outsider fooling around with their work. They had been thinking strategically when Reagan was just another movie actor playing opposite a chimpanzee, for heaven's sake. They think Reagan is too naive, too innocent, to grasp the intellectual complexities of cold war strategy. "
Russell Baker
Think
War
Work
" It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic. "
Russell Baker
Seems
Life
Law
" The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist. "
Russell Baker
Worst
Worst Thing
You
" Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it. "
Russell Baker
Company
Longer
Misery
" The American press has the blues. Too many authorities have assured it that its days are numbered, too many good newspapers are in ruins. "
Russell Baker
Many
Days
Blues
" Anticipating that most poetry will be worse than carrying heavy luggage through O'Hare Airport, the public, to its loss, reads very little of it. "
Russell Baker
Will
Poetry
Airport
" Children rarely want to know who their parents were before they were parents, and when age finally stirs their curiosity, there is no parent left to tell them. "
Russell Baker
Know
Parents
Children
" Caution: These verses may be hazardous to your solemnity. "
Russell Baker
Hazardous
Verses
Your
" It was Queen Elizabeth who made me a foreign correspondent. "
Russell Baker
Who
Elizabeth
Foreign
" Listen once in a while. It's amazing what you can hear. "
Russell Baker
You
Once
Hear
" A skillful playwright might have a good time with the story of the assassination of President William McKinley, and especially with the three most flamboyant political figures involved: Mark Hanna, Theodore Roosevelt, and Emma Goldman. "
Russell Baker
Three
Time
Story