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" Sometimes my fans are too nice. "

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" Once you know how to make a movie, you can't not make a movie. "

" I feel like people have more in common than the news reports. People getting along doesn't sell very well in the news. I find that to be deeply depressing. "

" I was very much a late bloomer. That's not to say that girls didn't express interest in me from time to time, but I just, I did not know how to respond to that. "

" Every comedian comes to a fork in the road where they have to decide if they're going to make jokes about other people or make jokes about themselves. I chose myself. "

" I think because I've been working in front of audiences for so many years, I'm able to take in the input, good or bad, and just say, 'This is the part I agree with that you're saying, and these are the parts I don't agree with.' "

" You know the expression, 'You're only as sick as your secrets?' I believe that, and I think I try to have my work live by that to a degree. "

" I'm generally so disoriented during the week about what I'm doing and where I am - I travel a lot - that when I'm home on a Sunday, I typically try to sleep in as much as I can. "

" Louis C.K. directs his show, which is very much like a series of short films. "

" When I moved to New York, I was wide-eyed. I was nice to everyone, which comedians hate. "

" I've yet to write a stand-up show that isn't autobiographical. "

Autobiographical

" The thing with film is that it's so wide-reaching compared to comedy. When I release my comedy special, half a million people will see it. If I release a movie, five to ten million people will see it. "

" When I was growing up, I didn't know who Jewish people were, what it was to be Jewish. "

" I love 'Bullets Over Broadway,' but I'm pretty sure Woody Allen hasn't killed somebody. "

" Everything about starting out in comedy is pride-swallowing, from handing out fliers to bombing in front of audiences. "

" Random people, celebrities of note come to your shows over the years, and I've had some really strange ones. Like the guy from Kiss. Gene Simmons has literally been in the audience at my shows, like, four times. I don't know if he knows me; he's just a big fan of comedy. "

" I'm incapable of feeling any joy. "

" I was raised Catholic, and then I kind of wandered away somewhere in high-school. I never got confirmed, which is a big deal. "

" Every sleep doctor I've talked to said it was an urban legend that you shouldn't wake up a sleepwalker. All that will happen is that you will get condescended to. "

" The economy of film forces you to make choices. "

" In real life, I first started sleep walking in high school because that was when this concept of getting into college first appeared. I had this moment of, 'Oh! This is going to affect the rest of my life.' "

" I just don't give off a great first impression. "

First Impression

" How many people do you know who have thrown up on the Scrambler or a carnival ride? A lot of people, is the answer. "

" I like 'Donnie Darko;' it's a cool take on dreams and sleep. "

" Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea. "

" You know the quickest way to get comedians to hate you? Do Letterman at age 24. "

" Alienation, I suppose, can't be hackneyed because it will always exist. "

" I think the thing I had to be careful about while writing a book was not to say anything that was revealing about other people that they would be uncomfortable with. I didn't want to make people angry - that's a real risk. "

" It used to be that if you got on 'The Tonight Show,' your career was made. Now, if you're on 'The Tonight Show,' maybe 14 more people show up to your gig in Tulsa. "

" I'm going to end up making twenty films if people let me. "

" Sometimes people say, 'You're the best at digressions.' And that's actually a real compliment to me. "