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" Every comedian comes to a fork in the road where they have to decide if they're going to make jokes about other people or make jokes about themselves. I chose myself. "

Mike Birbiglia

Jokes

Myself

People

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" Alienation, I suppose, can't be hackneyed because it will always exist. "

" I think that my regrets mostly have to do with my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. Every once in a while, you get those flashback memories of conversations you had with your exes, and you just, like, wince when you're walking down the street. Something occurs to you, 'Oh, no, I said that.' "

" I always try to attack the most honest issues I can in my comedy. "

" The Comedy Central CDs combined with the TV specials are what led to my stuff being traded and passed around, and a lot more people knowing my jokes than I thought. "

" I was very much a late bloomer. That's not to say that girls didn't express interest in me from time to time, but I just, I did not know how to respond to that. "

Mike Birbiglia

Know

Late

" I think the thing I had to be careful about while writing a book was not to say anything that was revealing about other people that they would be uncomfortable with. I didn't want to make people angry - that's a real risk. "

" I would be so mad if I saw something called a memoir, and then it was Mike Birbiglia. It would be so infuriating. It's like, 'Who is this guy, and why does he have a memoir?' David Letterman could write a memoir. Joan Rivers could. I'm just a nobody. I'm a comedian and a writer. "

Mike Birbiglia

Nobody

Mad

" When I was in college, I wanted to write for 'Late Night With Conan O'Brien,' and I was an intern there. "

" I'm going to end up making twenty films if people let me. "

" I almost can't even put to words how happy I am that I got married. "

" I have a following, but it's small. I have this level of fame where people spot me in the airport, consistently, but they always think they're the only one who ever has. People will think they win a prize when they recognize me. "

" I just don't give off a great first impression. "

" I sometimes think of not doing Twitter or Facebook anymore, but that's how people find their favorite bands and comedians. "

" People come to my shows on purpose as opposed to coming to a 'comedy show.' Which was always my goal. "

" I love Broadway shows. "

" Shooting a movie isn't good for a sleep disorder. "

" You know the expression, 'You're only as sick as your secrets?' I believe that, and I think I try to have my work live by that to a degree. "

" I end up talking about really mundane things with my fans, and then they're kind of like, 'This is boring. I want to go talk to somebody else.' I think I bore my fans to death by over-talking to them. "

" Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea. "

" The list of fun and easily-fixed brain diseases is very short. "

" I feel like being a door person was like college in a sense. I could watch comedy on a professional level seven nights a week without paying, and they would pay me a nominal amount of money to be there. "

Mike Birbiglia

Money

Week

" Film is so immersive. "

Mike Birbiglia

Film

" Essentially, retweets are like laughs. "

Mike Birbiglia

Essentially

Laughs

" I'd much rather try and fail than talk about trying. "

" Sometimes people say, 'You're the best at digressions.' And that's actually a real compliment to me. "

" When I go to bed at night, I wear a sleeping bag. And for a long time, I wore mittens so that I couldn't open the sleeping bag. "

" I've found, being in Los Angeles, it's like living in a live-action Planet Hollywood. "

Mike Birbiglia

Hollywood

Los Angeles

" I love 'Bullets Over Broadway,' but I'm pretty sure Woody Allen hasn't killed somebody. "

" The thing with film is that it's so wide-reaching compared to comedy. When I release my comedy special, half a million people will see it. If I release a movie, five to ten million people will see it. "

" Over the years, I managed to develop this comedy career, went from opening act to headliner at comedy clubs, to playing concert halls, and had an off-Broadway show with 'Sleepwalk With Me.' "

Mike Birbiglia

Concert

Opening