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" When I was young and less wise, I thought that being a feminist meant being independent. It meant not sacrificing your needs for anyone else's and not relying on anyone else for even a smidgen of your happiness or well being. "

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" In my experience as a therapist and as a friend, it seems that the majority of the breakup resources available are for women and not men. Women, who tend to be more vocal about their emotional struggles, are the squeaky wheel that gets the grease from friends, from online communities, from books, and from therapeutic approaches. "

Emily V. Gordon

Men

Friends

Experience

" Everybody's got baggage, and not just the classic, 'Oh I have so much baggage,' but everyone comes with so much context, and you're not just dating a person: you're dating all their context, too. Part of relationships is negotiating each other's context. "

" If a show is wickedly, hugely popular, like 'Mad Men,' I assume that the masses, in their infinite inferiority to me, don't know what good TV is and that everyone is just brainwashed. "

Emily V. Gordon

Good

Men

" Divorce is one of the most destructive, emotionally traumatic experiences a human being can go through, no matter if you're the instigator or the recipient. It's hard, and it hurts, and it takes a long time to feel normal again. "

" Hindsight is always 20/20, but I imagine a lot of married and divorced people have insights to share about how they felt during their engagement. "

" In my professional and personal life, when I meet people who feel broken after a divorce, they can usually be divided into two categories: those who truly believe there's something wrong with them, and those that are using their status as armor. "

" I am somewhat grateful to the disintegration of my marriage for teaching me a lot about myself and about relationships, and though I wish it hadn't been such a taxing lesson, I wouldn't change a thing. "

" If you've had a marriage that ended because of a betrayal in trust on your spouse's behalf, the idea of trusting another person with your heart can seem completely ridiculous. "

" Marriage isn't just about two people who fit together well. It's about two people who figure out how to fit together well. "

" Marriage will not change your spouse. It will not make him or her more mature, more loyal to you, or better at housework. "

" I had a tightly knit group of female friends in elementary school - we called ourselves the Sensational Six. "

" I haven't always been the best advocate for my own body. I was a too-tall, pudgy child who felt completely out of control of the genetic lottery ticket she'd been given, so in retaliation, I shut down. I ignored my body and hated it for not being tiny and cute like my friends' bodies. "

" I have multiple tattoos. "

Emily V. Gordon

Multiple

Tattoos

" Holiday food is rich and indulgent. Going-home-to-see-family food is richer and even more indulgent. "

" Awkward conversations are painful, but they're way easier than divorce, resentment, and heartbreak. "

" Sometimes new spouses don't fully process the commitment they've made until after the deal is done, and then they panic. "

" Marriage, or any committed partnership, has become sacred to me, powerful and fragile all at the same time. "

Emily V. Gordon

Powerful

Time

" People get married for a wide array of reasons and have all sorts of expectations of how marriage will change the relationship. And while it's true that turning the person you're dating into a legal partner does affect certain things, those who expect marriage to be a cure-all for all your relationship woes are sorely mistaken. "

" Sometimes we put so much effort into things we're doing, like dating or wedding planning, that we don't stop to think about whether or not we even want the results of that effort. "

" Cheating is very rarely about the actual act of being with another person. "

" 'The Babadook,' written and directed by a woman, is a gorgeously told female-focused story of grief, longing, loneliness, and what mourning can become. "

" For so long, TV consisted of a limited number of shows a year, and those shows had to appeal to as many people as possible. The joy of TV now is that shows don't have to be broad anymore - they can be small, weird, and niche. "

" People all want and need different emotional responses - some people like to be talked down when they're angry; some people want to be left alone. "

" Women are encouraged to go on an emotional journey of self-care after a divorce, while men are expected to need help learning how to cook and parent on their own. "

" I definitely think, when you're a teenager, it's more forgiving to talk to strangers and go up to people at a mall or whatever. "

Emily V. Gordon

Think

You

" I'm not an actress. I'm a writer. "

Emily V. Gordon

Actress

Writer

" I think it's always good to get into your partner's mindset. "

" Without knowing your own history, you are doomed to repeat it. "

" You didn't have to know anything about show business to appreciate the characters' humor, because at its heart, 'Party Down' was about following dreams, dealing with rejection, and surviving all the lame jobs we've all had to work just to get by in the meantime. "

" A lot of people end up getting married more out of expectation than out of passion for each other, but if your options have ever been, 'We either get married or break up,' be careful. Marriage should be a new addition you add to the house that is your relationship, not the structure you impose on the house once it's already built. "