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" You'd think after 8 years of things called 'The Patriot Act' and 'No Child Left Behind' they would know that we have figured out the 'Call it what it ain't' PR ploy by now, but... um... no. "

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" You would not believe how much time people waste in a day. And how little time they put into things they genuinely love. "

Hal Sparks

" There is never hesitation about doing stand-up. It's just me doing my thing. "

Hal Sparks

" People only have guilty pleasures when they crowbar pleasure down their throat all the time and then they reach for the brownies. Then you should feel guilty because you're killing your body and that's something to be guilty about. "

Hal Sparks

" I'm as heterosexual as any person need be. I'm open about my relationships - or lack thereof - in my own life, because I want to make the case that gay isn't contagious. It's not something that you can catch or learn or choose. "

Hal Sparks

" Political and social change is always a stagger-step process. "

Hal Sparks

" It's better to waste money than time. You can always get more money. "

Hal Sparks

" If you take anything I say with any seriousness whatsoever, go study Yang style tai chi. It will make you live longer. "

Hal Sparks

" Sometimes I play guitar like a frustrated drummer. "

Hal Sparks

" People think that the arts are optional and they aren't. They teach a level of emotional depth that's equally important to mathematic skill. You can replace some math skills with a calculator if you know how to operate the thing, but there's no calculator for human interaction. "

Hal Sparks

" All musicians need a day job in the beginning. Unless they still live with their parents, I guess. I'm just lucky that my day job is simply another form of art. "

Hal Sparks

" I noticed a lot of guitar players neglected the rhythm part of rhythm guitar and decided I would try to focus in that. "

Hal Sparks

" If I could sew comedy and philosophy together, then I've done a good job. The primary goal is always going to be laughs and the secondary goal is always going to be saying something without it being a lecture. I think it's important to have substance for what you're saying. "

Hal Sparks

" 'Cold Case Files' and similar shows do bang up business, which points to a certain thirst for details in the viewership, but it seems like all the news chat shows continue to force the myth that Americans can't stand detail and have no interest in an idea that can't fit on a bumper sticker. "

Hal Sparks

" Jerry Springer' is just kind of the chubby, redneck version of throwing Christians to the lions. "

Hal Sparks

" If you are for freedom and equal rights, which we hear a lot of talk about these days, then you have to include the LGBTQ community in that. And if you're not willing to put your time where your mouth is, then I don't know quite what you mean by commitment in your life. "

Hal Sparks

" It's better to waste money, than it is to waste time. You can always get more money. "

Hal Sparks

" If 'Airplane!' comes on, it's like a comfort film. You can always guarantee a laugh watching that movie. "

Hal Sparks

" The name 'Charmageddon' actually comes from a social technique that I use. Which is, you know, literally obliterating people with charm so that you can get away with saying stuff that no one else could ever get away with, you know? "

Hal Sparks

" The pop musicians often leave meaning in the dust and substitute it for cartoons. The deeper artists - the grunge artists in the world and the emoticon people - tend to leave all of the happiness out of life like it just doesn't exist. "

Hal Sparks

" Most 'reality' shows aren't reality at all. They're game shows with no prize. Like 'Rock of Love.' His aren't genuine feelings. Then again, Bob Barker didn't really care whether or not you won the toaster. Sorry to shatter everyone's dreams. "

Hal Sparks

" I'm a futurist. "

Hal Sparks

" The important thing is having genuine regard for your audience. "

Hal Sparks

" I've been doing stand-up since I was 15 years old. "

Hal Sparks

" I'm a writer, so I like dissecting things. "

Hal Sparks

" Anyone who still supports George Bush would still let Michael Jackson babysit their kids. "

Hal Sparks

" I'm a futurist. Technology is our way out of almost every problem we have. Technology can create a new sense of community. "

Hal Sparks

" Truth be told, ginormous portions have become a pet peeve of mine. "

Hal Sparks

" I've always said that I benefit, as an actor, from not having the illusion of security. "

Hal Sparks

" Other kids would sneak out of the house to go to parties and do untoward things. I was sneaking out to do standup downtown. It paid off. "

Hal Sparks

" As a stand up, and often in acting, there is no place for the most intense feelings. Rage, genuine sorrow, naked hope... These things don't fit on a comedy stage and if you act you'll get to express them once in a while. Music is a place for the intensely personal. "

Hal Sparks