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" A Kindle returns us to the inconvenience of the scroll, except with batteries and electronic glitches. It's as handy as bringing Homer along to recite the 'Iliad' while playing a lyre. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Kindle
Electronic
Us
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" The U.S. tax code was written by A students. Every April 15, we have to pay somebody who got an A in accounting to keep ourselves from being sent to jail. "
P. J. O'Rourke
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Accounting
Pay
" There are plenty of problems in the world, and doubtless climate change - or whatever the currently voguish phrase for it all is - certainly is one of them. But it's low on my list. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Problems
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" As a former writer for the 'National Lampoon,' I've probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Live
Sarcasm
Writer
" In Israel, waves of anger and fear circulate all the time, but so do jokes and gossip and silky evening breezes. So, too, in America. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Fear
Jokes
Waves
" Californians devised a system of electricity sales that ignored every dimension of the free market. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Electricity
System
Sales
" Abstract anger is great for rhetorical carrying on. You can go on endlessly about the post office, but it doesn't mean you're mad at your mailman. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Office
You
Mean
" The importance of local governance may not be obvious to an America accustomed to treating city and state downfalls with doses of federal comeuppance. Sometimes there's a reason for that - the Civil War. More often, all reasoning seems absent - No Child Left Behind. "
P. J. O'Rourke
War
America
Child
" Maybe the real secret to America's greatness is that we hate one another. "
P. J. O'Rourke
America
Greatness
Secret
" Maybe climate change is a threat, and maybe climate change has been tarted up by climatologists trolling for research grant cash. It doesn't matter. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Climate Change
Research
Change
" Everybody is xenophobic to an extent. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Xenophobic
Extent
Everybody
" Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Domino
Pizza
Wealth
" I think every high school student who was alert during the early '60s got very embittered by the slow progress and the violence surrounding the Civil Rights Movement. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Think
School
High School
" The best and brightest don't go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Go
Politics
Best
" Global warming is a fact. Now it's up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing powerful, greedy free market forces from getting in the way of worsening storms and rising sea levels. The Kyoto Accord is a good first step. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Free
Good
Powerful
" When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. "
P. J. O'Rourke
First
Buying
Things
" The great apologist has to have lived large and wild. If he's going to kiss the world's boo-boos and make up, he'd better plant some bruises first. A master apologizer has to be a Lord Byron, a Rick in Casablanca, a Lee Atwater, anyway. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Great
Better
Plant
" People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Reason
People
Ants
" Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have. "
P. J. O'Rourke
More
People
Seat
" America's grossly unfair tax system won't lead to class war. Or, if it does, the war will be brief. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Tax
Class
Unfair
" Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Politician
Bear
Baby
" Jimmy Carter was - he still - he remains to this day America's most ex of ex-presidents. You just can't believe that we elected this doofus. He was a bright enough guy and sort of well-meaning. But he was about as prepared to be president of the United States as your goofy old uncle, you know, the one that memorises baseball statistics. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Believe
Day
America
" Regulation creates a moral hazard. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Hazard
Regulation
Moral
" Libertarianism is a way of measuring how the government and other kinds of systems respect the individual. At the core of libertarianism is the idea that the individual is sacrosanct and that anything that's done contrary to the well-being of the individual needs some pretty serious justification. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Serious
Done
Way
" Adam Smith pointed out that there were three things that make us more prosperous, in a general sort of way: freedom to pursue our own self-interest; specialization, which he called division of labor; and freedom of trade. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Own
Three
Way
" Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Parents
Discipline
Parenting
" You can't destroy America by destroying our elite. Think about America's elite. Think about it down through history. Destroy our elite, and about half the time, you're doing us a favor. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Down
America
You
" People say free trade causes dislocation. In actual fact, it's the lowering of trade barriers that causes the dislocation. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Free
Trade
People Say
" A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Life
Stupid
You
" You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
People
Money
" I have never been to a museum in Hong Kong, or a movie or a play. I've never gone club-hopping. I've never taken the tram to Victoria Peak. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Museum
Gone
Hong Kong