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" Burlesque dancing didn't solve all my post-divorce problems, but what it did do was force me to court myself for a little while. "
Emily V. Gordon
Force
Myself
Problems
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" A lot of people end up getting married more out of expectation than out of passion for each other, but if your options have ever been, 'We either get married or break up,' be careful. Marriage should be a new addition you add to the house that is your relationship, not the structure you impose on the house once it's already built. "
Emily V. Gordon
Marriage
Passion
People
" Post-divorce, the world can feel harsh and full of jagged edges. "
Emily V. Gordon
Full
Feel
World
" In my experience as a therapist and as a friend, it seems that the majority of the breakup resources available are for women and not men. Women, who tend to be more vocal about their emotional struggles, are the squeaky wheel that gets the grease from friends, from online communities, from books, and from therapeutic approaches. "
Emily V. Gordon
Men
Friends
Experience
" It's easy to isolate yourself when you're buried in work, or to rely only on work friends for empathy. And while your work friends will always 'get it' more than your life partner, they don't know how to comfort you like your partner does. "
Emily V. Gordon
Work
Partner
Life
" I haven't always been the best advocate for my own body. I was a too-tall, pudgy child who felt completely out of control of the genetic lottery ticket she'd been given, so in retaliation, I shut down. I ignored my body and hated it for not being tiny and cute like my friends' bodies. "
Emily V. Gordon
Child
Best
She
" It's absolutely amazing to me that anyone allowed their children to watch 'The Ren & Stimpy Show' in the '90s; it's dark, gross, nihilistic, and absolutely bizarre. "
Emily V. Gordon
Show
Watch
Dark
" I am somewhat grateful to the disintegration of my marriage for teaching me a lot about myself and about relationships, and though I wish it hadn't been such a taxing lesson, I wouldn't change a thing. "
Emily V. Gordon
Marriage
Myself
I Am
" After my divorce, I took some time off from having a romantic life to begin the tough work of figuring out where I'd gone wrong and what on Earth I could do to understand how to be a whole person in a relationship. "
Emily V. Gordon
Romantic
Time
Work
" Cheating is very rarely about the actual act of being with another person. "
Emily V. Gordon
Being
Person
Cheating
" If you've had a marriage that ended because of a betrayal in trust on your spouse's behalf, the idea of trusting another person with your heart can seem completely ridiculous. "
Emily V. Gordon
Marriage
Trust
You
" In some cases, newlyweds want so badly for things to be perfect that they ignore warning signs, both in themselves and each other. "
Emily V. Gordon
Perfect
Warning
Ignore
" If you don't simply communicate with your spouse what household tasks you would like them to do, you are setting yourself up to be angry. "
Emily V. Gordon
Yourself
Like
Angry
" If a show is wickedly, hugely popular, like 'Mad Men,' I assume that the masses, in their infinite inferiority to me, don't know what good TV is and that everyone is just brainwashed. "
Emily V. Gordon
Good
Men
Me
" Men - not all men but a good majority of the ones I have known and worked with - tend to think of difficult situations in their lives as problems that need to be solved. "
Emily V. Gordon
Men
Problems
Think
" Hindsight is always 20/20, but I imagine a lot of married and divorced people have insights to share about how they felt during their engagement. "
Emily V. Gordon
Imagine
People
Always
" I'm tired of hearing about 'Damages,' I don't care how life-changing 'The Wire' is, and I don't want to hear another word about 'Battlestar Galactica' or its super-awesome ending. "
Emily V. Gordon
Ending
Care
Hear
" Being completely independent doesn't make you a strong woman - it's being strong enough to trust yourself in other people's hands that takes guts. "
Emily V. Gordon
Yourself
Trust
Strong
" Do remember to pick your battles when you start parenting your stepchildren. "
Emily V. Gordon
Parenting
You
Start
" Sometimes we put so much effort into things we're doing, like dating or wedding planning, that we don't stop to think about whether or not we even want the results of that effort. "
Emily V. Gordon
Planning
Effort
Dating
" Not deciding is a decision. People don't realize that not making a decision is a decision in itself. "
Emily V. Gordon
Making
Realize
Decision
" I remember being a teenager and feeling like I could talk to anyone anywhere about anything. "
Emily V. Gordon
Like
Anything
Remember
" Women are encouraged to go on an emotional journey of self-care after a divorce, while men are expected to need help learning how to cook and parent on their own. "
Emily V. Gordon
Learning
Women
Own
" For so long, TV consisted of a limited number of shows a year, and those shows had to appeal to as many people as possible. The joy of TV now is that shows don't have to be broad anymore - they can be small, weird, and niche. "
Emily V. Gordon
Now
Long
Joy
" Sometimes we are much better at judging people based on how they treat everyone other than ourselves. We make a million excuses for why they treat us how they do. "
Emily V. Gordon
People
Excuses
Better
" Don't expect yourself to immediately love your stepchildren. In fact, you may hate them for a bit. "
Emily V. Gordon
You
Yourself
Expect
" In high school, I decided that all of my female friends were stupid and traded them for guy friends. I loved horror movies and heavy metal and used these interests to become a 'guys' girl.' "
Emily V. Gordon
Girl
High School
Loved
" Your life story is a gift, and it should be treated as such. "
Emily V. Gordon
Life
Gift
Your
" Nothing makes me feel more mushy and full of love for my husband than going back and looking at our flirtation unfolding online. I love reading our old e-mails, texts, and Gchats. "
Emily V. Gordon
Looking
Husband
Old
" I grew up in a town where there were no Muslims whatsoever, and there was not a lot of exposure. "
Emily V. Gordon
Muslims
Exposure
Lot
" When someone insists that you watch a show that's already been on for a few seasons, they're basically saying, 'Hey, you're not doing anything for the next five weeks, are you? Because have I got a plan for you every single night! It's 'Weeds!'' "
Emily V. Gordon
Saying
Plan
Night