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" I talk in subjects and verbs, and sort of wind around in concentric circles until I get far enough away from the beginning so that I can call it the end, and it ends. "
Garrison Keillor
Far
Beginning
End
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" Cursing is highly effective in person - someone kicks his car in rage, forgetting he's wearing flip-flops, flames pour from his mouth, and it's impressive. But you see it in print, and it's just ugly. "
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" I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so busy. "
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" A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever. "
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" They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days. "
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" Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won't feel so thankful then. "
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" I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.' "
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" I write for a radio show that, no matter what, will go on the air Saturday at five o'clock central time. You learn to write toward that deadline, to let the adrenaline pick you up on Friday morning and carry you through, to cook up a monologue about Lake Wobegon and get to the theater on time. "
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" A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. "
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" Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted. "
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" It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming. "
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" A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it. "
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" I don't have a great eye for detail. I leave blanks in all of my stories. I leave out all detail, which leaves the reader to fill in something better. "
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" I love New York, and I'm drawn to a certain intensity of life, but I've just never felt like I want to escape from the Midwest. A writer lives a great deal in his own head, and so one intuitively finds places where your head is more clear. New York for me is one of those places. "
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" Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it. "
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" I can write anywhere. I write in airports. I write on airplanes. I've written in the back seats of taxis. I write in hotel rooms. I love hotel rooms. I just write wherever I am whenever I need to write. "
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" I've wanted to be a writer since I was a boy, though it seemed an unlikely outcome since I showed no real talent. But I persevered and eventually found my own row to hoe. Ignorance of other writers' work keeps me from discouragement and I am less well-read than the average bus driver. "
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" The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. "
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" A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer. "
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" I was an English major at the University of Minnesota, and I was very shy, which many people misinterpreted as intelligence. On the basis of that wrong impression, I became the editor of the campus literary magazine. "
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" Zoroastrians believe in one Great Almighty Spirit of Good who is in combat against evil forces, and Goodness prevails in the end. There is no self-flagellation or staring at the sun or snake-handling. "
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" I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. "
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" A book is a gift you can open again and again. "
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" Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore. "
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" The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment; you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You want to be the first to come up with the idea. You don't want to wait until you trip and fall off the stage. "
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" Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. "
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" Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve. "
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" I want to resume the life of a shy person. "
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