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" I'm not happy on vacation. In those rare times when I have three hours with no work I have to do, I'm terribly uncomfortable. "

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" Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. "

" I get mail; therefore I am. "

" You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me. "

" I've tried lots of things. The reality is, I'm excited by everything on Day 1. And if by Day X things aren't working the way I hoped, I lose my passion. I have not seen the correlation between my passion and my success. "

" Rotten bosses don't get better. Any strategy that assumes they can is doomed. "

" You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles. "

" I don't get embarrassed by the same things that other people do. I would say that probably the biggest thing that holds people back is, 'If I do this, I'm going to look like an idiot if it doesn't work out.' "

" My investments have been hurt. "

" The world is like a reverse casino. In a casino, if you gamble long enough, you're certainly going to lose. But in the real world, where the only thing you're gambling is, say, your time or your embarrassment, then the more stuff you do, the more you give luck a chance to find you. "

" I've always defined myself not as a cartoonist, but as an entrepreneur. That was true before I tried cartooning. I always imagined cartooning would be how I got my seed capital. I always thought my other businesses would be the less dominant part of my life. "

" Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company. "

" My old life - no amount of getting used to it would have made it right. "

" One of the reasons why you like to do your own drawings is, your style changes over time. And there's something about that that keeps it fresh to the viewer. "

" I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else. "

" Before 'Dilbert,' I tried to become a computer programmer. In the early days of computing, I bought this big, heavy, portable computer for my house. I spent two years nights and weekends trying to write games that I thought I would sell. Turns out I'm not that good a programmer, so that was two years that didn't work out. "

" If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? "

" Happiness is nothing but good health and freedom, and money is the single best way you can buy your freedom. "

" If you see voters as rational, you'll be a terrible politician. People are not wired to be rational. Our brains simply evolved to keep us alive. Brains did not evolve to give us truth. Brains merely give us movies in our minds that keeps us sane and motivated. But none of it is rational or true, except maybe sometimes by coincidence. "

" I'm primarily just an investor. "

" The best things in life are silly. "

" Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion. "

" Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart. "

" Success is entirely accessible, even if you happen to be a huge screw-up 95 percent of the time. "

" One strategy for getting ahead is being incredibly good at a particular skill; you need to be world-class to stand out for that skill. In my case, I layered fairly average skills together until the combination became special. "

" The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want. "

" I try to avoid giving advice. "

" I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination. "

" Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information. "

" In fact, most people are being squeezed in their little cubicle, and their creativity is forced out elsewhere, because the company can't use it. The company is organized to get rid of variants. "

" The most important thing when you study hypnosis is that you learn that humans are irrational. Until you understand that, hypnosis is hard to do... For me, it was this great awakening to understand that humans are deeply irrational, and it's probably the greatest influence on me in terms of my writing. "