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" Have you seen that show on Lifetime about that woman...? "

Zach Galifianakis

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" That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed to say. If we didn't do that, if we didn't push against those limits, we'd just be standing around onstage and yelling. "

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" I can get away with anything. But when I try to be sincere, people just roll their eyes. "

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" I have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the land, I want to put cabins around and have a place where people can write and hang out. It'll be either that or an all-black nudist colony. "

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" I've been wanting kids for 10 years. I'd love to adopt, have them naturally - all of it. I want, like, 15. "

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" Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious. "

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" I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something. "

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" I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie. "

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" I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing. "

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" As you get older, you see the world at a different angle, maybe more cynically, but I just bury my anger. "

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" I talk to younger actor types, and they bring up that word, 'brand,' and it's like, 'All right, if that's the way you want to look at yourself.' Diet Pepsi's a brand; you're a human being. "

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" Hollywood's built on insecurity. People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way. "

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" Comedians paint ourselves into corners all the time, and tastes in comedy change. The guy in 'The Hangover' was a really fun character to do, and it was easy to do. But you have to find other things because audiences will let you do that for a little bit, and then they're like, 'What else do you have for us, monkey?' "

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" As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it. "

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" Privacy is big for me. To do interviews even, I have a very love/hate with it. "

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" I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers. "

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" There was a long time where I was an 'artist' in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend. "

Zach Galifianakis

" When I do stand-up for a long time, I'll get burned out, then I'll get an acting gig. For me, the grass is always greener. I'd like to do a mixture of all of it. My goal is just to do small movies that I've written. That's what I'm trying to do now, just write smaller movies. "

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" Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier. "

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" A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong. "

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" When I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria - not necessarily by choice - but I thought it was funny to talk to people that weren't there. "

Zach Galifianakis

" We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the 'Girlfriend in a Coma' is, like, really funny. "

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" I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women. "

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" My real last name is Galifianakisburg. "

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" American society loves to prop people up and then take them down. "

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" I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal. "

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" I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're also making people laugh, so it's really kind of a good tool for messaging. "

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" There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life. "

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" That show, 'The Amazing Race' - is that about white people? "

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" I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night. "

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" Some people can be choosy because they're ultratalented or lucky or whatever, but yeah, there are certain things that might not be the greatest thing on my resume. But I don't sit back and go, 'Gosh, I wish I didn't do that.' It's all part of the growth of a career, whether you're an entertainer or a librarian. "

Zach Galifianakis