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" Hollywood's built on insecurity. People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way. "
Zach Galifianakis
Trying
People
Guilty
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" I have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the land, I want to put cabins around and have a place where people can write and hang out. It'll be either that or an all-black nudist colony. "
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" I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie. "
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" Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier. "
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" As you get older, you see the world at a different angle, maybe more cynically, but I just bury my anger. "
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" I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night. "
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" I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92. "
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" I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women. "
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" When I do stand-up for a long time, I'll get burned out, then I'll get an acting gig. For me, the grass is always greener. I'd like to do a mixture of all of it. My goal is just to do small movies that I've written. That's what I'm trying to do now, just write smaller movies. "
Zach Galifianakis
Long
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Small
" My real last name is Galifianakisburg. "
Zach Galifianakis
Real
Last
Name
" I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers. "
Zach Galifianakis
Why
Brothers
Comedies
" American society loves to prop people up and then take them down. "
Zach Galifianakis
People
American
Society
" Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money. "
Zach Galifianakis
Good
Money
American
" I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something. "
Zach Galifianakis
Back
School
Run
" I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're also making people laugh, so it's really kind of a good tool for messaging. "
Zach Galifianakis
Powerful
Think
Laugh
" There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life. "
Zach Galifianakis
Live
Stupid
Think
" I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it. That's if I'm in the mood - sometimes I get superbummed. "
Zach Galifianakis
You
Light
Baby
" We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the 'Girlfriend in a Coma' is, like, really funny. "
Zach Galifianakis
My Life
Funny
Know
" I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny. "
Zach Galifianakis
Track
Think
Funny
" A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong. "
Zach Galifianakis
Audience
Sometimes
Think
" I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal. "
Zach Galifianakis
Famous
Being Famous
Name
" I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling. "
Zach Galifianakis
Ryan
Next
Am
" I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that. "
Zach Galifianakis
Heads
Way
Anger
" Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious. "
Zach Galifianakis
Me
Funny
Rudeness
" I get burned out on standup. But I like acting. I do like it. But sometimes you just feel like a monkey. You just feel like a complete tool. But I like it. I do like it. Stand-up is just more free. A lot more freedom because you just do what you want to do. "
Zach Galifianakis
Feel
You
Monkey
" As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it. "
Zach Galifianakis
Lose
Place
Lost
" I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over the past two years, and the more weight I've put on, the more success I've had. If you drew a diagram of weight gain and me getting more work, a mathematician would draw some conclusions from that. "
Zach Galifianakis
Past
Me
You
" My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing. "
Zach Galifianakis
Him
Because
Understand
" I talk to younger actor types, and they bring up that word, 'brand,' and it's like, 'All right, if that's the way you want to look at yourself.' Diet Pepsi's a brand; you're a human being. "
Zach Galifianakis
Diet
Yourself
You
" People get TV deals by doing something in their grandmother's basement. It is definitely the wave. Everybody is trying to do all that stuff. I mean, the Internet is the only reason that I've gotten work is because I've somehow created a line and people have seen it. And then I've been asked to auditions. "
Zach Galifianakis
People
Trying
Internet
" Some people can be choosy because they're ultratalented or lucky or whatever, but yeah, there are certain things that might not be the greatest thing on my resume. But I don't sit back and go, 'Gosh, I wish I didn't do that.' It's all part of the growth of a career, whether you're an entertainer or a librarian. "
Zach Galifianakis
People
Growth
Wish