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" I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing. "

Zach Galifianakis

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" As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it. "

Zach Galifianakis

" I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny. "

Zach Galifianakis

" I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal. "

Zach Galifianakis

" My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis. "

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" Hollywood's built on insecurity. People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way. "

Zach Galifianakis

" I wish I could sit back and say, 'Oh, I'm gonna wait for a Merchant-Ivory film to come my way. Or Ivory-Merchant. Whatever it's called. But you just take what's given and then, hopefully, down the road you can be more choosy and only do, say, Wayans brothers movies. That's my goal: to be more Merchant-Ivory-Wayans. "

Zach Galifianakis

" Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious. "

Zach Galifianakis

" I have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the land, I want to put cabins around and have a place where people can write and hang out. It'll be either that or an all-black nudist colony. "

Zach Galifianakis

" My forte is awkwardness. "

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" There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life. "

Zach Galifianakis

" I am not into publicity. I'm not good at it. I get anxiety about it. "

Zach Galifianakis

" I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over the past two years, and the more weight I've put on, the more success I've had. If you drew a diagram of weight gain and me getting more work, a mathematician would draw some conclusions from that. "

Zach Galifianakis

" When I do stand-up for a long time, I'll get burned out, then I'll get an acting gig. For me, the grass is always greener. I'd like to do a mixture of all of it. My goal is just to do small movies that I've written. That's what I'm trying to do now, just write smaller movies. "

Zach Galifianakis

" I've been wanting kids for 10 years. I'd love to adopt, have them naturally - all of it. I want, like, 15. "

Zach Galifianakis

" I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese. "

Zach Galifianakis

" A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong. "

Zach Galifianakis

" I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92. "

Zach Galifianakis

" We talked about politics constantly in my family growing up in North Carolina. There were always debates. Being of Greek background, it's in our blood to drink coffee and talk politics. "

Zach Galifianakis

" I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do. "

Zach Galifianakis

" I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something. "

Zach Galifianakis

" Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier. "

Zach Galifianakis

" I get burned out on standup. But I like acting. I do like it. But sometimes you just feel like a monkey. You just feel like a complete tool. But I like it. I do like it. Stand-up is just more free. A lot more freedom because you just do what you want to do. "

Zach Galifianakis

" I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling. "

Zach Galifianakis

" Some people can be choosy because they're ultratalented or lucky or whatever, but yeah, there are certain things that might not be the greatest thing on my resume. But I don't sit back and go, 'Gosh, I wish I didn't do that.' It's all part of the growth of a career, whether you're an entertainer or a librarian. "

Zach Galifianakis

" A fantasy of mine is to do a podcast that's Marcel Marceau and I, and you only hear me laughing at him and trying to figure out what he's doing. "

Zach Galifianakis

" I can get away with anything. But when I try to be sincere, people just roll their eyes. "

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" That show, 'The Amazing Race' - is that about white people? "

Zach Galifianakis

" I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie. "

Zach Galifianakis

" When a role seems fun it's easy to play. It kind of comes organically. "

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" Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself. "

Zach Galifianakis