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" I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something. "

Zach Galifianakis

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" I get burned out on standup. But I like acting. I do like it. But sometimes you just feel like a monkey. You just feel like a complete tool. But I like it. I do like it. Stand-up is just more free. A lot more freedom because you just do what you want to do. "

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" As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it. "

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" I have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the land, I want to put cabins around and have a place where people can write and hang out. It'll be either that or an all-black nudist colony. "

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" Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money. "

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" A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong. "

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" When a role seems fun it's easy to play. It kind of comes organically. "

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" We talked about politics constantly in my family growing up in North Carolina. There were always debates. Being of Greek background, it's in our blood to drink coffee and talk politics. "

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" That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed to say. If we didn't do that, if we didn't push against those limits, we'd just be standing around onstage and yelling. "

Zach Galifianakis

" My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing. "

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" I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal. "

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" American society loves to prop people up and then take them down. "

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" I've been wanting kids for 10 years. I'd love to adopt, have them naturally - all of it. I want, like, 15. "

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" Have you seen that show on Lifetime about that woman...? "

Zach Galifianakis

" I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing. "

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" My forte is awkwardness. "

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" My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis. "

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" I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do. "

Zach Galifianakis

" I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over the past two years, and the more weight I've put on, the more success I've had. If you drew a diagram of weight gain and me getting more work, a mathematician would draw some conclusions from that. "

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" I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it. That's if I'm in the mood - sometimes I get superbummed. "

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" I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women. "

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" A fantasy of mine is to do a podcast that's Marcel Marceau and I, and you only hear me laughing at him and trying to figure out what he's doing. "

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" I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese. "

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" Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious. "

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" I wish I could sit back and say, 'Oh, I'm gonna wait for a Merchant-Ivory film to come my way. Or Ivory-Merchant. Whatever it's called. But you just take what's given and then, hopefully, down the road you can be more choosy and only do, say, Wayans brothers movies. That's my goal: to be more Merchant-Ivory-Wayans. "

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" Comedians paint ourselves into corners all the time, and tastes in comedy change. The guy in 'The Hangover' was a really fun character to do, and it was easy to do. But you have to find other things because audiences will let you do that for a little bit, and then they're like, 'What else do you have for us, monkey?' "

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" Hollywood's built on insecurity. People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way. "

Zach Galifianakis