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" I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women. "
Zach Galifianakis
Never
Look
Years
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" Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself. "
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Long
Yourself
Me
" I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing. "
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You
Try
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" I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny. "
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Track
Think
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" I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something. "
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School
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" You know, sometimes if you work - if you do a lot of takes and you work long hours, for me, at least, there is a delirium that starts kicking in on the fifteenth hour, and that can help. Below the just thirteenth hour is where I have a concern, because everybody's so tired. "
Zach Galifianakis
Tired
Me
Long
" I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal. "
Zach Galifianakis
Famous
Being Famous
Name
" I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie. "
Zach Galifianakis
Out
Know
Person
" I can get away with anything. But when I try to be sincere, people just roll their eyes. "
Zach Galifianakis
I Can
People
Eyes
" I've been wanting kids for 10 years. I'd love to adopt, have them naturally - all of it. I want, like, 15. "
Zach Galifianakis
Love
Wanting
Years
" I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92. "
Zach Galifianakis
Since
Me
Hit
" Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious. "
Zach Galifianakis
Me
Funny
Rudeness
" We talked about politics constantly in my family growing up in North Carolina. There were always debates. Being of Greek background, it's in our blood to drink coffee and talk politics. "
Zach Galifianakis
Family
Coffee
Politics
" A fantasy of mine is to do a podcast that's Marcel Marceau and I, and you only hear me laughing at him and trying to figure out what he's doing. "
Zach Galifianakis
Doing
Trying
Him
" That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed to say. If we didn't do that, if we didn't push against those limits, we'd just be standing around onstage and yelling. "
Zach Galifianakis
Comedy
Great
People
" I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night. "
Zach Galifianakis
Every Day
Day
Night
" I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling. "
Zach Galifianakis
Ryan
Next
Am
" Hollywood's built on insecurity. People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way. "
Zach Galifianakis
Trying
People
Guilty
" I have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the land, I want to put cabins around and have a place where people can write and hang out. It'll be either that or an all-black nudist colony. "
Zach Galifianakis
People
Place
Farm
" The congressmen and senators used to go have a drink in D.C. They would disagree all day long, but they would find that time to sit down and learn about each other personally. I think that's totally wiped out; I don't think it really exists anymore. "
Zach Galifianakis
Day
Think
Learn
" When I do stand-up for a long time, I'll get burned out, then I'll get an acting gig. For me, the grass is always greener. I'd like to do a mixture of all of it. My goal is just to do small movies that I've written. That's what I'm trying to do now, just write smaller movies. "
Zach Galifianakis
Long
Movies
Small
" We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the 'Girlfriend in a Coma' is, like, really funny. "
Zach Galifianakis
My Life
Funny
Know
" Have you seen that show on Lifetime about that woman...? "
Zach Galifianakis
Woman
About
Lifetime
" Some people can be choosy because they're ultratalented or lucky or whatever, but yeah, there are certain things that might not be the greatest thing on my resume. But I don't sit back and go, 'Gosh, I wish I didn't do that.' It's all part of the growth of a career, whether you're an entertainer or a librarian. "
Zach Galifianakis
People
Growth
Wish
" That show, 'The Amazing Race' - is that about white people? "
Zach Galifianakis
Race
Amazing
White
" I talk to younger actor types, and they bring up that word, 'brand,' and it's like, 'All right, if that's the way you want to look at yourself.' Diet Pepsi's a brand; you're a human being. "
Zach Galifianakis
Diet
Yourself
You
" I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do. "
Zach Galifianakis
Doing
Just
Keep
" I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it. That's if I'm in the mood - sometimes I get superbummed. "
Zach Galifianakis
You
Light
Baby
" I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese. "
Zach Galifianakis
Greek
Cheese
Body
" A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong. "
Zach Galifianakis
Audience
Sometimes
Think
" I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that. "
Zach Galifianakis
Heads
Way
Anger