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" I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again. "
Johnny Vegas
Live
Want
Doing
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" You know, there's that temptation in interviews to make yourself sound - well, to give yourself a bit of mystery. "
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" Up North you are holding your own. Everyone considers themselves a comedian. "
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" There have been times I've finished a big job and thought, 'Great, a couple of weeks off.' But then a couple of weeks turns to three weeks and then after a month you're staring at the phone willing it to ring. "
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" It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether. "
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" I've always been looking for other people's approval. "
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" There is something more spiritual to us than what we are on this earth, but how you access it I'm not sure. "
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" I sang 'American Pie' a lot in my stage set. It had a knack of uniting an audience in a sing-along. It's a clever song about American history but wrapped in a fantastic tune. "
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" I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind. "
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Sex
" I avoid any kind of organised trips as that's one of my bugbears. "
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" Writing a book about yourself is like therapy, and you go 'Oh My God, that's the reason that happened.' Writing about it, you're forced to really examine things. "
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Book
Yourself
Go
" I struggle as a writer, and I'm convinced that if I was at school now, I'd be termed as having ADS. Two minutes and I'm drifting. "
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School
Ads
Now
" My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with. "
Johnny Vegas
Always
Been
Carry
" With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle. "
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Chance
Fickle
Quite
" I still give myself the right to be highly critical of others, though. "
Johnny Vegas
Give
Myself
Others
" They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day. "
Johnny Vegas
Windows
Living
Look
" Health-wise, I couldn't have said what my life expectancy would've been if I'd just carried on doing solid blocks of stand-up. "
Johnny Vegas
Solid
Doing
Just
" I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone. "
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Love
Look
Think
" Some comics are in it for what they can get out of it. Others are in it for a love of comedy. I think those that are in it for a genuine love of comedy find each other within the circuit and become friends. "
Johnny Vegas
Friends
Think
Out
" I used to attract a lot of feeders. I'd be quite happy to be locked in someone's flat and fed liquidised burgers. "
Johnny Vegas
Used
Attract
Someone
" I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one. "
Johnny Vegas
Myself
Call
Got
" This autocue was obviously written for someone else and I've been brought in at the last minute. "
Johnny Vegas
Else
Someone
Minute
" My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in. "
Johnny Vegas
Me
Rings
Playing
" My agent once said, 'You're not very driven.' And it's true. I'm not the type to ring up and go, 'Get me this part!' "
Johnny Vegas
Ring
True
You
" I do need to explore my faith, because it has got lost over the years and it has been kind of tainted through experience. But I also know it's enriched my life, my dad being a Catholic. "
Johnny Vegas
Life
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Know
" I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia. "
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Like
Serious
Drama
" The idea of being on TV 24 hours a day and people seeing the real me... No. "
Johnny Vegas
Real
Me
Day
" My name is Michael Pennington, and I am not a comic character. "
Johnny Vegas
Name
I Am
Comic
" Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine. "
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Watch
Comedy
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" There's this idea that it has to be made in London. But we've got everything up here, and if you've got comics who are gifted because of where they're from, you shouldn't drag them away from that natural resource. "
Johnny Vegas
London
Everything
You
" There's a domino effect with certain things you say. "
Johnny Vegas
Things
Effect
Say