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" I do believe in the infallibility of the Pope, because I think we have to believe in something. "

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" Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. "

" These performers that go on about their technique and craft - oh, puleeze! How boring! I don't know what 'technique' means. But I do know what experience is. "

" You have to be very, very good looking to get ahead in motion pictures. "

" For me, going to London is like coming home. In fact, I've often entertained the idea of ending my days there. "

" There are a lot of things I do that I don't want to, but I have to. It's truly an emotional need for me to perform. "

" I loved being on Broadway, but performing has become exhausting, and I just don't want to live in New York anymore. I'm just sick of the competition in New York, the feeling that I always have to rehearse to keep up my performance. I don't feel like rehearsing, even though it should be my favorite thing in the world to do. "

" There's something about it that makes sense, Lent. You give something up, and everything's more joyful. "

" Fans recognize me all over the place. But the second you need anything, they're never around! They're like the police! "

" Talent is very dangerous. It alienates people. "

" I like glasses so I can go out without my makeup. Just grab your coat and get your hat and go. "

" I don't want to see a movie twice. I don't want to do anything twice. "

" There will always be ladies who lunch. Always. And apparently they live a long time. "

" I think taking care of yourself, health-wise, in every way, is a 100 percent winner. "

" I like being talked about. I think some people really don't... because they're secure enough and they don't need that. "

" I am not influenced by other human beings. But I am inspired. "

" You cannot tell an audience a lie. They know it before you do; before it's out of your mouth, they know it's a lie. "

" As a diabetic, I'm a walking picnic. I have to eat measured amounts of food at certain times. "

" I'm a good acting partner for me... when I don't have anyone else, I do really well! "

" What I want to understand is what I am talking about on the stage. What I don't want to understand is what the government is talking about when the government tells me about taxes. "

" I don't have to go to a doctor and have my face changed. It terrifies me that women do that. "

" I compare Stephen Sondheim with humor, because humor is unanalyzable. You can't analyze humor. You just have to get through it. "

" I just serve others through entertaining. That's when I am happy. "

" There's certainly nothing lasting and definite about the theater. "

" My movie career - if such a thing even exists - is laughable. "

" You never know what is happening to yourself when it is happening. "

" I care about money, very much. I want it. I don't ever want to be without it. My mother once said about me, 'Elaine has to have money.' "

" All you have to do is say, 'I'm going home,' and you're the most popular girl at the party. "

" Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. "

" I mention I'm going home, and I'm a star immediately! This used to happen with my boyfriends - as soon as I'd say, 'I gotta go home now,' they fell in love. "

" My biggest dream was to get out of Michigan - to discover life beyond the Sacred Heart Convent. "