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" I like glasses so I can go out without my makeup. Just grab your coat and get your hat and go. "

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" I care about money, very much. I want it. I don't ever want to be without it. My mother once said about me, 'Elaine has to have money.' "

" You can't be funny unless you're tragic, and you can't be tragic unless you're funny. "

" I'm funny when I want to be. And I'm even funny when I don't want to be. "

" I think taking care of yourself, health-wise, in every way, is a 100 percent winner. "

" Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. "

" I don't think I'm gonna die tomorrow or even two weeks from now, or even ever. I just don't know - who the hell knows what's gonna happen to them? Nobody! Isn't that comforting? Nobody has a clue. I like that we don't know. And I like that it's somebody else's decision, not mine. "

" Certain type of actresses get younger instead of older. I always say, 'Only ingenues age.' "

" I never found anyone who could look after me as well as I could look after myself. "

" I have no intention of retiring. Even my blood sugar is better when I'm working. "

" You cannot tell an audience a lie. They know it before you do; before it's out of your mouth, they know it's a lie. "

" I could have made a lot of money doing 'Golden Girls,' and I would have been good. But the image of it! And for me to work with Betty White every day would be like taking cyanide. "

" All of the writing on '30 Rock' is a joy to go into. It's pretty hot stuff. "

" I mention I'm going home, and I'm a star immediately! This used to happen with my boyfriends - as soon as I'd say, 'I gotta go home now,' they fell in love. "

" I don't have a great talent for explaining myself in acting because I can't explain it. "

" I compare Stephen Sondheim with humor, because humor is unanalyzable. You can't analyze humor. You just have to get through it. "

" My movie career - if such a thing even exists - is laughable. "

" I always say, 'If you can't give a reason for the banana peel being in the alley, then don't have the comic slide over it.' Do you understand what I mean? First explain how the banana peel got there quickly. And then there's a reason for all the comedy. "

" I think the most interesting New Yorkers are the people who were not born here. "

" New Yorkers stop me on the street all the time to say, 'You're terrific! You're the nuts!' "

" I think it's the wrong way around to say, 'When you get older move to the country.' I think when you get older you move to New York. "

" Talent is seductive. "

" I love audiences. My God, the best friends in the world! "

" I have not had any of that surgical stuff. I am too curious to find out exactly how I progress every day of my life naturally. That is what fascinates me. "

" There were a lot of lyrics that I sang but didn't understand. But I had this facade in performance of looking like I wrote the book. "

" Why haven't I made more movies? Nobody asked me. "

" The closer a part is to you, the harder it is to play. Anything else is just imitation. If I'm playing a Russian countess, I get the hat, the accent, the outrageousness. Easy. Playing a murderess? Perfect. "

" What I want to understand is what I am talking about on the stage. What I don't want to understand is what the government is talking about when the government tells me about taxes. "

" You have to be very, very good looking to get ahead in motion pictures. "

" I don't wear a wig. I'd feel terrible onstage with a wig. I hate to be so 'Actors Studio'-ish, but I like to feel it's me out there. "

" I'm loaded with talent. "