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" I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present. "

Garry Shandling

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" I may discuss love, and I don't mind if two men fall in love, fine. Two women, fine. But I flinch when I think of two Jewish women getting together and having a child because the idea of having two Jewish mothers makes my head explode. I have one; I couldn't handle two. "

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" But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone. "

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" I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest. "

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" Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders. "

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" I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full speed and doesn't pull his head into the shell very often, I in reality was five or ten minutes later to every recording session. "

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" Dogs are not people. Be leery of any woman who refers to her dogs as her 'kids,' because you'll only end up paying for their schooling. "

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" Everyone at a party is uncomfortable. Knowing that makes me more comfortable. "

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" Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their conflicts. And that commitment, I think, might be what love is, because they both grow from their relationship. "

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" It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside. "

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" Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me. "

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" Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldn't go out with. "

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" Humor is a wonderful way to deal with our suffering because if we can laugh at our troubles, we can feel better. Thich Nhat Hanh is a special man who has helped millions with their suffering with incredible technique. But he doesn't know real suffering, because he has not dated as much as I have. "

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" First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show and so forth and so on. "

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" My first 'Tonight Show' was just one of those things - I mean this seriously - a cosmic, meant-to-be coming together of circumstance. You walk out there to do your first 'Tonight Show': Is the audience going to be hot? Are you going to be on fire? It's like an athlete: Are you going to have your moves at a peak? "

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" I started boxing for exercise, and on the very first day, the trainer got in the ring with me and said, 'Whoever controls the breathing in the ring controls the fight.' I immediately passed out. "

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" I like to talk on the cell when I do interviews. That way, I double my chances of getting brain cancer: from the cell phone, and from the questions. "

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" I've always felt that the truth is in the silence. "

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" There's a good chance that if you're talking to me when I'm snoring, it means I'm bored. "

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" I enjoy 'The Apprentice' and the one that's called 'Take My Life' and the other one called 'Stop Hitting Me.' "

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" The art of boxing is seeing spaces and being able to take shots. The hitting and being hit have to become one. Your reactions have to be so in the moment. There's no time to think. "

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" I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And I've done a lot of stuff. I don't know that I would put the puppets on when I was pitching a show. This was the head of the studio putting a puppet show on. And I'll tell you, he wasn't bad. "

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" You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't. "

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