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" But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone. "
Garry Shandling
Funny
Love
Think
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" I have really fond memories of growing up in Chicago, and I always love going back. I still have a lot of really good friends from high school that I go to dinner with. It's kind of become a tradition when I go out there to do a show to give a few friends a call, tell some funny stories about high school and walk down memory lane. "
Kaskade
Walk
Memories
Love
" There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "
Henry Kissinger
Funny
Schedule
Week
" Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish. "
Chevy Chase
Funny
Pets
Personality
" Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. "
Brooke Shields
Funny
Your
You
" As I get older, I just prefer to knit. "
Tracey Ullman
Older
Funny
Get
" Sometimes I think I'm funny. But then sometimes I see myself, and I think, 'There's somebody trying to be funny.' "
Paul Rudd
Sometimes
Myself
Funny
" If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! "
Demetri Martin
Funny
You
Then
" If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. "
Johnny Carson
Radio
Television
Still
" You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. "
Milton Berle
Congress
Him
Man
" If my life wasn't funny, it would just be true, and that's unacceptable. "
Carrie Fisher
True
Be True
My Life
" I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. "
Les Dawson
Funny
Own
Trouble
" Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage. "
Stevie Wonder
You
Black
Thought
" Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. "
Will Rogers
Thankful
Be Thankful
Government
" Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint. "
Don Marquis
Sometimes
Cloud
Funny
" People use the guise of art, and artistic expression, to do all kinds of hateful things. It's like Trump and everybody else using the guise of humor to say hateful things, the excuse being, 'I was just being funny.' "
Luvvie Ajayi
Art
Funny
Humor
" I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. "
Mae West
White
Snow White
Funny
" I regret behaving badly when I was younger. I did not know any better at the time. The thing is that the incidents that I caused were not funny... Youth is wasted on the young. It is better to have the wisdom of an old man in a young body... I was a bit foolish and teased people, trying to be funny. "
Jim Broadbent
Youth
Time
People
" The funny thing about directing is that you have your own opinions, but it's a collaboration. Directing is a group effort. Even though you might think something works, the smartest thing you can do as a director is try and weigh the opinions of the people around you. "
Chris Evans
People
Funny
Effort
" I am built funny. Picture Mark Twain's head on Ichabod Crane's body. Now hold your mental picture to the light and crumple it. "
Donald McCaig
I Am
Funny
Body
" To be or not to be. That's not really a question. "
Jean-Luc Godard
Question
Funny
Really
" A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.' "
Claude Pepper
Value
Year
Green
" If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster. "
Clint Eastwood
Buy
Guarantee
You
" Comedy is only funny when there's real pain. "
Sebastian Stan
Comedy
Only
Funny
" Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. "
H. L. Mencken
Will
Always
Back
" It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It's funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us, 'Get up. What's wrong with you?' "
Ice Cube
Think
You
People
" The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. "
Fred Allen
Religion
People
Funny
" I don't say things to be offensive; I say things because they're funny to me. It amuses me. "
Marilyn Manson
Funny
Because
Me
" One man's folly is another man's wife. "
Helen Rowland
Wife
Man
Funny
" There are certain sorts of jokes which have only to do with the substitution of the unexpected word in a familiar context. If you translated something into French and then had it translated back into English by somebody who didn't know the original, you'd lose what was funny. "
Tom Stoppard
Know
You
Funny
" Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. "
Lenny Bruce
Beach
Where
Miami