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" I don't care whether people say, ''The Office' is rubbish, 'Extras' is worse, 'Flanimals' is a waste of time. He's not funny; he never has been. I hate him.' I don't mind that at all. In fact, not only do I expect it, I celebrate it, because I think the haters are really important. "

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" The best script in the world doesn't work perfectly when you actually act it out. That's a law. That's a given. So you have to play with everything. And the more fun you have with it, the better the finished product. "

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World

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" I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem? "

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Wearing

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" Memories are doing funny things to us. "

" You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. "

" A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. "

" You meet folks who are funny and really smart and persistent and loving that are confronting this thing we call poverty, which is just a shorthand for this way of life that holds you underwater. And you just wonder what our country would be if we allowed these people to flourish and reach their full potential. "

" Being funny is everything to me. "

" People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. "

" Funny thing is that the poorer people are, the more generous they seem to be. "

" Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. "

" I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time. "

" The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. "

" I'm an unorthodox type of guy, a funny guy - at least I think I'm funny. And one of the things I like to do is come up with nicknames for myself. "

" Even on the stage, I've played a bit of a persona, and the persona I played was a much brasher, more arrogant, less aware, less educated version of me. "

Ricky Gervais

Stage

Educated

" When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny. "

" Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings. "

" An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out. "

" The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them. "

" There's nothing wrong with being respected by your peers. There's nothing wrong with trying to do your best. There's nothing wrong with success. There's not even anything wrong with trying to get a raise. There's nothing wrong with that. "

" I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced. "

" I know that I'm going to die and that you're going to die. I can't do anything about that. But I can explore it through a metaphor and make a kind of funny, dark story about it, and in doing so, really exhaust and research as many aspects of it as I can imagine. And in a way, that does give me some closure. "

Chuck Palahniuk

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Story

" Look, just tell me where that lemon came from and I'll shut up and go away. "

Ricky Gervais

Shut Up

Look

" I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. "

" If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? "

" Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen. "

" If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you. "

" So to me, Texas Hold 'em puts me to sleep. At least when you play stud, you can be funny as you deal. Somebody some day is going to come up with a Stud show that's going to work. "

" Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. "

Josh Billings

Funny

Cologne

" I think Spielberg is a master. I think 'Jaws' invented a genre. "

" To me, wealth is the peace of mind you have, your family, your friends, your colleagues. Everything else is just money, and it really is funny how people pay so much attention to that. "

Ricardo Salinas Pliego

Family

Money

Peace