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" Karl Pilkington has the roundest head, I think, in the world. It's not technically a deformity, but I've never seen anything quite that spherical. "

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" If you spend your days doing what you love, it is impossible to fail. So I go about my days trying to bring something into the world that wasn't in the world before. And then everyone gets furious about it. And then I sit back and say, 'I did that!' "

" With Netflix, I browse; I watch documentaries about things I'd never dream of, but I think, 'I might as well.' "

" Where there's a will - there's a relative! "

" I am not a wolf in sheep's clothing, I'm a wolf in wolf's clothing. "

" I'd much rather eat exactly what I want, and then burn it off, than diet. "

" I'm an optimist. "

" My career, I look at it in a Darwinian framework. I'm going to do exactly what I want, and I'm going to survive, or I'm not. I'm not going to pander. I'm not going to change things. I'm not going to do focus groups. I'll live and die by the sword. I don't care. Because I couldn't live with myself. "

" I don't care whether people say, ''The Office' is rubbish, 'Extras' is worse, 'Flanimals' is a waste of time. He's not funny; he never has been. I hate him.' I don't mind that at all. In fact, not only do I expect it, I celebrate it, because I think the haters are really important. "

" I think Dustin Hoffman has been in at least three of my favorite movies of all time with things like 'Tootsie,' 'Marathon Man.' Getting a bit more arthouse and darker, 'The Graduate' - incredible, barrier-breaking movie, 'The Graduate.' "

" I lift weights. Then I put them down again. "

" The second series is always my favourite as a writer/director; you can hit the ground running... so that's fun. "

" I was very protective of my privacy. I didn't want people to write bad things about me that weren't true, because that's just not fair. Fifty percent of everything written about me is wrong. "

" You can laugh at anything. It depends on the joke. "

" Honor is a gift a man gives himself. You can be as good as anyone that ever lived. If you can read, you can learn everything that anyone ever learned. But you've got to want it. "

" Why buy a book when you can join a library. "

" Fame is an upshot of what I do. If you're a successful comedian or actor, then you're a famous one. But it's not the driving force. It's a by-product. "

" I do the Golden Globes because they say I can say what I want. I wouldn't have that at the Oscars. "

" I'm influenced by those '40s, '50s, and '60s films: things like 'The Apartment' - I was a big fan of Billy Wilder. "

" With the Internet era and social media and politics being so out there with the lies, now you've got people denying things they're on camera doing, and then you've got people not really caring about the truth. You've got people supporting people who've done horrific things, but just don't want the other side to get any satisfaction. "

" Your reputation is still the most important thing that you've got. "

" All of my friends are oddities. "

" I could always take a joke. I could always be the butt of the joke. I could always hand it out. That was just who I was. "

" I've been lucky enough to be able to choose exactly where I want to live. "

" I've got re-addicted to normal people, which is the loveliest thing to write about. "

" Stupidity without malice isn't horrible; some people can't help it. "

" I think it's important to hold a mirror up to society and yourself. "

" When I was growing up, I didn't like cheese. I had to wean myself onto cheese. "

" To be fair to David Brent, he wants to be famous for doing something, for being a musician, but he's just not good enough. "

Not Good Enough

" When I see a headline 'Guess who's going out with who?' I don't guess, and I don't click. "

" You can be watching the greatest film in the world, and if you hear your neighbor getting into a fight, you're at the window. "