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" I was a soldier in WWII. The last couple of months of the war I was actually in combat. "

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" Anybody can direct, but there are only eleven good writers. "

" I'm rather secular. I'm basically Jewish. But I think I'm Jewish not because of the Jewish religion at all. "

" Rhetoric does not get you anywhere, because Hitler and Mussolini are just as good at rhetoric. But if you can bring these people down with comedy, they stand no chance. "

" Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said. "

" If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none. "

" I wish I was better looking. "

" These men both publicly and privately have done so much for me. Without Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick I would be living in a little motel just around the corner here, trying to make ends meet. "

" I know how to make it a great musical. I've got to. It's like I've got to see it on stage. "

" If you stand on a soapbox and trade rhetoric with a dictator you never win. "

" The brilliance of Max Brooks is that he always quotes authorities at the back of his books that never existed. Like a Russian professor he made up that validates a story or character. "

" My job is to go out and entertain the most people possible. "

" I only direct in self-defense. "

" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "

" When you come to Germany as a Jew you have an uneasy feeling, but I've always felt okay in Berlin. "

" Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive. "

" I was in the army, and to me it was like a newsreel. "

" All short women have a delayed fuse. Marry a taller woman: My wife was an inch or two taller than me; it's a sign of security. "

" If you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy and colorful and lively. "

" You're always a little disappointing in person because you can't be the edited essence of yourself. "

" Everything starts with writing. And then to support your vision, your ideas, your philosophy, your jokes, whatever, you've gotta perform them and/or direct them, or sometimes just produce them. "

" Immortality is a by-product of good work. "

" We want to get people laughing; we don't want to offend anybody. "

" I like Chris Rock. He's dangerous. "

" I don't believe in this business of being behind, better to be in front. "

" Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you. "

" Judd Apatow is pretty good, both as a producer and as a director. "

" Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love. "

" As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes. "

" If presidents can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country. "

" If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. "