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" If you stand on a soapbox and trade rhetoric with a dictator you never win. "

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" I'm still a horse that can run. I may not be able to win the Derby, but what do you do when you retire? People retire and they vegetate. They go away and they dry up. "

" Anybody can direct, but there are only eleven good writers. "

" You got to be brave. If you feel something, you've really got to risk it. "

" I was a soldier in WWII. The last couple of months of the war I was actually in combat. "

" Everything starts with writing. And then to support your vision, your ideas, your philosophy, your jokes, whatever, you've gotta perform them and/or direct them, or sometimes just produce them. "

" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "

" But I have bad taste with a deep fount of intellectuality. "

" Immortality is a by-product of good work. "

" If presidents can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country. "

" Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you. "

" Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him. "

" All short women have a delayed fuse. Marry a taller woman: My wife was an inch or two taller than me; it's a sign of security. "

" Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love. "

" If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none. "

" I'll accept bad taste in a minute, as long as there's some great comedy minds and performances. "

" Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive. "

" I'm rather secular. I'm basically Jewish. But I think I'm Jewish not because of the Jewish religion at all. "

" I know how to make it a great musical. I've got to. It's like I've got to see it on stage. "

" He who hesitates is poor. "

" As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes. "

" I don't have a mission. I don't have a torch to burn. "

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" As far as songwriters, I've always been a fan of Irving Berlin, Cole Porter, and George Gershwin; those guys mean a lot to me. "

" No, no, the songs write themselves, almost. "

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" If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. "

" The brilliance of Max Brooks is that he always quotes authorities at the back of his books that never existed. Like a Russian professor he made up that validates a story or character. "

" Humor is just another defense against the universe. "

" There's an army story in me, and I think there's a WWII Brooks film somewhere. "