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" You're always a little disappointing in person because you can't be the edited essence of yourself. "

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" Anybody can direct, but there are only eleven good writers. "

" I know how to make it a great musical. I've got to. It's like I've got to see it on stage. "

" A brushstroke of vanity is good to add into the mix, to balance your timidity. We're all blessed with a lot of timidity and a lot of worry and anxiety, and vanity is a good antidote. "

" As far as songwriters, I've always been a fan of Irving Berlin, Cole Porter, and George Gershwin; those guys mean a lot to me. "

" These men both publicly and privately have done so much for me. Without Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick I would be living in a little motel just around the corner here, trying to make ends meet. "

" Judd Apatow is pretty good, both as a producer and as a director. "

" Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love. "

" Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive. "

" I love writing songs. I'm a songwriter. "

" Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you. "

" I don't have a mission. I don't have a torch to burn. "

" We want to get people laughing; we don't want to offend anybody. "

" I wish I was better looking. "

" I was a soldier in WWII. The last couple of months of the war I was actually in combat. "

" When you come to Germany as a Jew you have an uneasy feeling, but I've always felt okay in Berlin. "

" Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him. "

" I was in the army, and to me it was like a newsreel. "

" A lot of music is mathematics. It's balance. "

" There's an army story in me, and I think there's a WWII Brooks film somewhere. "

" I loved Westerns as a little kid, and I loved horror films. "

" I don't believe in this business of being behind, better to be in front. "

" I only direct in self-defense. "

" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "

" If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none. "

" Dom DeLuise was a big man in every way. He was big in size and created big laughter and joy. "

" Immortality is a by-product of good work. "

" We rest our case on the production numbers. "

" He who hesitates is poor. "

" No, no, the songs write themselves, almost. "

" My job is to go out and entertain the most people possible. "