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" I was raised that you don't use something nice until there's someplace to go. "
Ellen DeGeneres
Nice
I Was Raised
Go
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" I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He's the mayor of some small town in Texas. I could be the mayor's wife right now. "
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" The first house I bought was a little Spanish bungalow on Clinton Street in West Hollywood, right behind the Improv. I was renting it, and I asked the owners if I could buy it, and they were really nice and let me work out a deal. And I fixed it up and later sold it. That was when I realized that if you make some improvements, you can make money. "
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" I would love for the world to be happier. "
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" I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson's show. Only now I use it as a tablecloth at dinner parties. It was very blousy. "
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" It's not like I grew up playing pranks on people, and I was not that girl in school. "
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" Trying to get the talk show, looking back on it, we had to beg a lot of station managers to pick up the show because people thought no one would watch it because I'm openly gay. "
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" I just like observing people - it's something I've done ever since I was a kid, and I got really good at it. That's a big part of why I became a comedian. My audience is filled with every kind of person you can imagine, and I love that. "
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" I like being busy and juggling a lot of things at the same time. I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. "
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" The world is full of a lot of fear and a lot of negativity, and a lot of judgment. I just think people need to start shifting into joy and happiness. As corny as it sounds, we need to make a shift. "
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" I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals. "
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" Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others. "
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" A lot of money with the wrong career is not going to make you happy. If you have money without happiness, it doesn't mean anything. It's all about happiness. "
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" I didn't see deep emotion from my parents. It was all very polite and very surface. I never knew how anybody was feeling. "
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" Even before I knew I was gay, I knew I didn't want to have a child. I knew I didn't want to have one. I never want to have to release it from me. Listen, I love babies. I love children. And I melt when I'm around them. I also love my freedom and I love that I can sleep at night. "
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" Designing is my hobby. If I didn't do what I do for a living - at some point when I don't do this for a living - I'll probably just do design work. I love finding really special pieces of furniture. "
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" I'm not an activist; I don't look for controversy. I'm not a political person, but I'm a person with compassion. I care passionately about equal rights. I care about human rights. I care about animal rights. "
Ellen DeGeneres
Compassion
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Animal
" The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anybody else. You can be influenced by people. I was influenced by Steve Martin and Bob Newhart and Woody Allen, but I never tried to be someone else. I always tried to be myself. And the reason people are successful is they're unique. "
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Unique
You
Myself
" I'd like to be more patient! I just want everything now. I've tried to meditate, but it's really hard for me to stay still. I'd like to try to force myself to do it, because everybody says how wonderful meditation is for you, but I can't shut my mind up. So patience and learning is the key. "
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Myself
Patience
Learning
" I just want to find somebody special, somebody that I click with. "
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Want
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" I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her. "
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Mom
" I've been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my staff and three guys so it's pretty equal. I don't know why that is. It's been the same thing for a while. It's hard for female comedians to stand out. That's weird. That's a shame. "
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" A kid should be told that you can have feelings. "
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" Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come. "
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" I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I've started a record label, so I get to nurture new talent and talk about music, which is a passion of mine. I've written another book. And I get to come to work and do the TV show, which is always really fun. "
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" I love clothes, so when I wear clothes, they're usually somebody's. You know, I'm not wearing Kmart. "
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" I used to beat myself up about weight and working out, and no matter what I did I never felt good about myself. I decided to accept myself and know that I am good. "
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" My father was a first reader in the Christian Science Church, which is similar to being a preacher. There was no drinking, smoking or cursing. "
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" I do fantasize about having my own shop one day. "
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" My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. "
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" Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log. "
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