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" I would have to commit a crime and have cops chase me. That would be the only way to get me to jog five miles. "
Denis Leary
Chase
Me
Way
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" I don't watch 'American Idol.' I don't watch any of that stuff. "
Denis Leary
American
Stuff
Any
" My career plan at this point is 'Ice Age 5' through '10,' and even '12,' and 'Spider Man' - you know, basically I'd be Emma Stone's dad for the rest of my career. I really don't have any problem doing that. "
Denis Leary
Rest
Spider
Age
" I'm praying for 'Ice Age' 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. Because I really think we can run those characters into the '60s, and I'm talking the 1960s, you know? The Civil Rights Movement. That's what I'm praying for, because then I wouldn't have to do anything else. "
Denis Leary
Age
You
Run
" Kathy Bates is sexy. It's partly because of her talent, but she's got a great face, and a great laugh. "
Denis Leary
Laugh
Sexy
Great
" The thing with movies is, because you have so little time, I always feel like there are more things we could've done with the character. If we'd done a sequel to 'The Thomas Crown Affair,' what would that have been like? But for the most part, you try not to think of that, because it's just going to break your heart. "
Denis Leary
Think
Character
Movies
" Bill Murray doesn't do anything. He barely shows up at the movies he says he's going to do. "
Denis Leary
Barely
Anything
Going
" I think daycare is great for people who have to work two jobs. My problem is with people who are dropping kids off at daycare because they want to go out and spend the day golfing or getting their nails done. You know what I mean? That's not why they invented daycare. "
Denis Leary
Great
Think
Work
" I love America. "
Denis Leary
America
I Love
Love
" I studied acting in school and then, of course, couldn't get an acting job. "
Denis Leary
Acting
Then
School
" If you see me doing a new stand-up special, it probably means I've been out of work for a while. "
Denis Leary
You
Doing
Me
" I really like 'Batman.' Not the TV show, but the dark 'Batman.' "
Denis Leary
Show
TV
TV Show
" How many whales do we really need? I figure five. One for each ocean. "
Denis Leary
Whales
Figure
Five
" There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid. "
Denis Leary
Clothes
Wearing
Middle
" There's no male Oprah. "
Denis Leary
Male
Oprah
" We live in a country where John Lennon takes eight bullets, Yoko Ono is walking right beside him and not one hits her. Explain that to me! "
Denis Leary
Walking
Country
Her
" I wanted to be a hockey player. Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used. I was terrible in school and actually said, 'I'm going to be a hockey player.' "
Denis Leary
Basketball
Hockey
Said
" Willem Dafoe and I are actually the same person. "
Denis Leary
Actually
Person
Same
" Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish. "
Denis Leary
Money
Funny
Important
" My kids watch everything downloaded; they have no idea what the numbers or the names of the channels mean, except, 'FX makes the show that I see on my computer.' So it's harder to get a show on the air, but at the same time, there are a lot of terrific shows. "
Denis Leary
Air
See
Watch
" I'm not really a Spider-Man fan. I'm more of a Batman guy. "
Denis Leary
Guy
Batman
Spider-Man
" If you're over 52 years old and you're on Facebook, do us all a favor and log off now. "
Denis Leary
Now
You
Years
" Temptation's something you have to deal with even if you're not famous. It's harder when you're famous because it's a lot more in your face, and that makes it a little more difficult to walk away from sometimes. "
Denis Leary
Face
You
Walk
" I'd love to play in a Red Sox game. It would be so awesome to actually walk out on the field and play, just for one inning. I'd also steal everything I could get my hands on in the clubhouse, which is why they won't let me do it. "
Denis Leary
Red
Game
Love
" I'm not saying being a comedian is brain surgery, but it is definitely - it's like being a carpenter. You learn how to make tables and chairs. You have to have the right tools, and you have to know how to put the thing together, right? "
Denis Leary
Saying
Together
You
" I went to school with Steven Wright, who was the shyest guy I knew, and one day someone suddenly told me that he was in a club doing standup comedy. I went down to his club and he was great. Another friend of mine, who was pretty much a thief by trade, was hosting the show. So I thought, 'If these guys can do it, then so can I.' "
Denis Leary
School
Me
Great
" When I'm on stage, that's me. It's blown up, but that's me. "
Denis Leary
Blown
Stage
Me
" Most movies suck, even the independent ones. Hollywood is like baseball: Hit three good ones out of 10 and you're a Hall of Famer. "
Denis Leary
Baseball
Good
Movies
" I did 12 years with nuns, you know. So I came out of it going, like, 'I think Jesus is all right.' The rest of it I think stinks to the high heavens. "
Denis Leary
Rest
Know
High
" I obviously identify with the anti-authority figure. I've pretty much always had problems with authority, ever since I was a kid. "
Denis Leary
Authority
Problems
Pretty
" Technology is changing, so the viewership is getting broken up. My kids watch everything downloaded; they have no idea what the numbers or the names of the channels mean, except 'FX makes the show that I see on my computer.' "
Denis Leary
See
Numbers
Technology