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" Most movies suck, even the independent ones. Hollywood is like baseball: Hit three good ones out of 10 and you're a Hall of Famer. "

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" Doing the same character over and over, it gets boring. "

" I didn't raise my kids with the fear of God. "

" Hockey's my favorite sport. "

" I like Jesus, I mean, I think he was a good guy. "

" I'm not saying being a comedian is brain surgery, but it is definitely - it's like being a carpenter. You learn how to make tables and chairs. You have to have the right tools, and you have to know how to put the thing together, right? "

" The first movie I saw where it convinced me I could be an actor was 'Mean Streets,' so whenever I see Robert De Niro and he says, 'Hi, Denis,' it's still a really big deal. "

" Wolfhounds helped kill off the wolves in Ireland. "

" If you had no enemies, you had no fun. "

" There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid. "

" Having dealt with a lot of real firefighters, I know there are a lot of guys who, for lack of a better term, become addicted to the grief because it has kept them connected to these guys that they felt responsible for having lost. "

" Firefighters are some of the most selfless public servants you will ever encounter. "

" I'm really good at laundry, and I have no problem cleaning the kitchen. "

" I actually like talking. "

" Nobody can make more fun of me than I already make of myself. "

" I've eaten things that didn't complain this much. "

" I don't want a president like me! I suck, okay. I want an elitist, smart guy. "

" If a character dies, you get to do a big, juicy death scene. But the flip side is you're out of the sequel, which is where the real money is. "

" There's no male Oprah. "

" I'm no day at the beach. And if it is a beach, it's Hampton Beach. Ever been there? It's not nice. "

" Willem Dafoe and I are actually the same person. "

" The Social Wishlist on Facebook is a great example of everything right about social media. "

" No woman can be completely happy at any one moment in time. They're always anticipating the next thing to argue or complain about. "

" I went to school with Steven Wright, who was the shyest guy I knew, and one day someone suddenly told me that he was in a club doing standup comedy. I went down to his club and he was great. Another friend of mine, who was pretty much a thief by trade, was hosting the show. So I thought, 'If these guys can do it, then so can I.' "

" Science fiction was never my thing. I have no interest in it. So I don't think I could successfully pull off being on a project like that without really losing my mind. "

" It says on the back of the Nyquil box, 'May cause drowsiness.' It should say, 'Don't make any plans, OK? Kiss your family and friends good-bye.' "

" Let me tell you something: I love the Yankees. And let me tell you why: because without the Yankees, there is nobody to hate. "

" Technology is changing, so the viewership is getting broken up. My kids watch everything downloaded; they have no idea what the numbers or the names of the channels mean, except 'FX makes the show that I see on my computer.' "

" I'm a lapsed Catholic in the best sense of the word. "

" I'm praying for 'Ice Age' 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. Because I really think we can run those characters into the '60s, and I'm talking the 1960s, you know? The Civil Rights Movement. That's what I'm praying for, because then I wouldn't have to do anything else. "

" When I was a teenager, you couldn't get straight pants. Then in '76, when punk started to hit, it was a revelation that you could find straight pants again. "