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" Willem Dafoe and I are actually the same person. "

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" What firefighters and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do; basically these people say, 'I'm going to protect all these strangers.' "

" I'd love to do another television series. I really love the writing process, and as an actor I really like how much you get to examine in television. "

" I'm pretty much a chocolate guy. I'm up for any type of chocolate. Any chocolate. "

" I studied acting in school and then, of course, couldn't get an acting job. "

" If I'm president, there are going to be government vans that drive around and pick up people who shouldn't be wearing certain clothing. Talk about lack of civil rights - I'm sorry, I'm pulling you right off the street, and we're giving you clothes that you're going to be O.K. in. "

" The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny as he's ever been, and he's still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I'll still be able to work. "

" My charity is in the business of helping firefighters in any way that we can. For instance, after 9/11 we were the second-fastest charity to raise and distribute money to the widows and surviving family members of the 343 firefighters who died that day. "

" There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid. "

" No matter what anybody says, relationships are based on physical attraction. The first time I saw my wife, it was pure animal whatever. "

" You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't. "

" I don't want a president like me! I suck, okay. I want an elitist, smart guy. "

" I really, really like 'Eastbound & Down.' It's one of the few things that makes me laugh. It's almost too funny to get an award. "

" My nieces and my nephews think the only thing that I do is 'Ice Age.' That's fine with me because pretty soon they'll grow up enough to realize that I suck or that my time has passed, whichever it might be. "

" Firefighters are some of the most selfless public servants you will ever encounter. "

" Most people don't know how underpaid and often ill-equipped urban fire departments are across North America. "

" Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct. "

" I fell asleep during 'Year One' twice. And my son, who never falls asleep during a Jack Black movie, also nodded off. That's how bad it was. I was incredibly disappointed. "

" If you do good work, it tends to stick around. People still come up to me and say, 'The Ref' is my favorite Christmas movie.' "

" No woman can be completely happy at any one moment in time. They're always anticipating the next thing to argue or complain about. "

" I'm a huge Kevin Youkilis fan. "

" I would have to commit a crime and have cops chase me. That would be the only way to get me to jog five miles. "

" I love Santa Monica and Venice because I like the beach. I have a lot of friends in that area. "

" I like Jesus, I mean, I think he was a good guy. "

" Let me tell you something: I love the Yankees. And let me tell you why: because without the Yankees, there is nobody to hate. "

" People saying, 'Life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.' Welcome to the club. I wanted to be the starting center-fielder for the Boston Red Sox, for chrissakes! "

" I always hated the Grateful Dead. Never even bought a Led Zeppelin album. "

" If a character dies, you get to do a big, juicy death scene. But the flip side is you're out of the sequel, which is where the real money is. "

" If you had no enemies, you had no fun. "

" My father could swear in Gaelic and English, by the way, ladies and gentlemen. "

" I have a lot of conservative views on a lot of things. "