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" I studied acting in school and then, of course, couldn't get an acting job. "

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" I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor. "

" I'm born and raised in the Northeast. My parents are Irish immigrants. So our tendency is to shy away from the big yellow ball that comes up in the sky every once in a while. "

" One of those things that I like about TV is that if you get a group of people you like, you can work with these people for months at a time, and you can discover their strengths and weaknesses, and you can use those in the direction where you take the characters. "

" If you're over 52 years old and you're on Facebook, do us all a favor and log off now. "

" I want you to take away the hope because that's the thing that's killing me. "

" I've been nominated for Emmys and Golden Globes, but I've never won one and I probably never will. "

" I'm still pretty self-centered, greedy and angry. "

" I wasn't the best student. I wasn't stupid, but I wasn't paying a lot of attention. "

" Every actor thinks he can do comedy, and it's not true. "

" Doing the same character over and over, it gets boring. "

" If you had no enemies, you had no fun. "

" I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how's that for prejudice on the Democratic side? "

" My father left Ireland because he did not want to muck horse manure for the rest of his life, and he wanted to come to New York. "

" I would have to commit a crime and have cops chase me. That would be the only way to get me to jog five miles. "

" The first movie I saw where it convinced me I could be an actor was 'Mean Streets,' so whenever I see Robert De Niro and he says, 'Hi, Denis,' it's still a really big deal. "

" Bill Murray doesn't do anything. He barely shows up at the movies he says he's going to do. "

" When I was doing standup, I always wanted to get out of the standup world and take it back into the theatrical world, like with 'No Cure For Cancer.' "

" What's politically correct a lot of times is not funny. "

Politically Correct

" My charity is in the business of helping firefighters in any way that we can. For instance, after 9/11 we were the second-fastest charity to raise and distribute money to the widows and surviving family members of the 343 firefighters who died that day. "

" The Social Wishlist on Facebook is a great example of everything right about social media. "

" I'm a huge Kevin Youkilis fan. "

" Here's the problem with Easter. The Catholic Church needs to pick a date because it keeps moving. And I think the reason they always have Easter moving to different dates is to catch us. "

" I spent a long time working in the movies to figure out that kind of acting and also how to write and produce for the screen. "

" My cousin Jerry Lucey and five other firefighters died in a warehouse fire in Worcester, Mass. - my hometown - right in the middle of our old neighborhood downtown when a homeless couple started a fire to keep warm and the entire building went up. My cousin died trying to save homeless people who had already left the building. "

" You can have good writing, but a great actor will make it feel and sound like great writing. You can have great writing, and mediocre actors will make it feel mediocre. Without the actors, you have nothing. "

" I always hated the Grateful Dead. Never even bought a Led Zeppelin album. "

" Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish. "

" I love French stuff. Mmmm, french fries. "

" How many whales do we really need? I figure five. One for each ocean. "

" I really, really like 'Eastbound & Down.' It's one of the few things that makes me laugh. It's almost too funny to get an award. "