Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. "
Johnny Carson
Would
Fair
Dead
Related Quotes:
" I was going to hang it up on the twenty-fifth year of this show. I don't know why. Maybe twenty-five years is enough. And I found out that I was having so much fun doing the show that we decided to stick around for a while. "
Johnny Carson
Know
Enough
Fun
" When turkeys mate they think of swans. "
Johnny Carson
Mate
Swans
Think
" Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. "
Johnny Carson
Time
Office
Christmas
" To be an entertainer, you gotta be a little gutsy, a little egotistical, so you have to pull back sometimes when people say, 'Well, he's stuck-up.' 'Stuck-up' is only another word for self-conscious. "
Johnny Carson
Say
You
Well
" My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day. "
Johnny Carson
Working Hard
Business
Success
" There comes a time or a moment when you know in which direction you're going to go. I know it happened to me when I was quite young. "
Johnny Carson
Moment
Direction
Me
" I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. "
Johnny Carson
Funny
Kid
Used
" The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money. "
Johnny Carson
Freedom
Money
You
" For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off. "
Johnny Carson
Days
Phone
Hair
" If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. "
Johnny Carson
Radio
Television
Still
" New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved. "
Johnny Carson
Most
Exciting
New York
" The mind starts to do things that you didn't even realize it could do. I suppose it's the manipulation. I suppose it's the sense of power, the center of attention, and the me-ism. And performers have to have that. "
Johnny Carson
Mind
Power
Attention
" I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. "
Johnny Carson
Food
Day
Smoking
" Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. "
Johnny Carson
Bank
Together
New
" Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. "
Johnny Carson
Happiness
Dentist
You
" If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. "
Johnny Carson
Variety
Spice
Marriage
" We're more effective than birth control pills. "
Johnny Carson
More
Control
Birth Control
" For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. "
Johnny Carson
Phone
Grow
Three
" People thought I was funny, so I kind of took entertaining for granted... it was inevitable that I'd start giving little performances. "
Johnny Carson
Start
Thought
Funny
" Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?' "
Johnny Carson
Alone
Place
You
" I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive. "
Johnny Carson
Same
Been
Years
" People will pay more to be entertained than educated. "
Johnny Carson
Educated
Will
More
" Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do. "
Johnny Carson
Big
Little
Never
" If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. "
Johnny Carson
Were
Would
Life
" I am one of the lucky people in the world: I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it. "
Johnny Carson
World
Always
I Am
" Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president. "
Johnny Carson
Up
President
Grow Up
" Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die. "
Johnny Carson
Men
Single
More